DIY Bride is a Second Full-time Job!

I'm definitely one of those "why buy it if you can make it" kind of girls, and my wedding has been no exception. I've been crafting like a crazy woman for months, with the help of my bridesmaids and family. It's kind of unbelievable how being a DIY bride can take over your life! Every free evening and weekend seems to be now dedicated to scrubbing the labels off of empty wine bottles, teaching myself how to make fabric flowers, playing travel agent for my friends and family, and on and on. It's a second full-time job!

The most recent DIY hurdle was invitations. All of the invitations I was eying online were going to run between $5-$10 each, and I just couldn't stomach paying someone else to create paper goods that I was fully capable of doing myself. It was a lot more stressful and time consuming than I imagined! Trying to get the fonts just right, then the printer margins for the paper just right, and of course the printer jams every few pieces, then make sure you've got the addresses and number of guests just right, then assembling them in a way that is fun but not too far from traditional wedding etiquette... good grief! Thankfully, my mom and sister were willing to give up their Saturday to help, and we knocked out the entire batch in one day. One very long day.

I can't show you the invitations yet because they just went out yesterday, but here's my first stab at DIY bouts for the groomsmen. I haven't decided what I want them to look like just yet, whether I want them to be entirely burlap and lace, or perhaps a mix of fabric and flowers. My sister, mom and I are all brainstorming and plan to dedicate another Saturday this summer to get these done. Thank goodness for my creative family!

Jamaican me Crazy!

As it turns out that saying is quite true - Jamaican me Crazy - That country did drive me crazy! Crazy happy with rum and booty shakin music, and crazy frustrated with the overwhelmingly tourist-centric culture. 

Our bunch had some very bizarre encounters and experiences during our week in Negril, but looking back on the trip all I can think about is how incredibly gorgeous my dear friend was on her big day, and how blessed she is to have a wonderful man beside her for the rest of her life. They were wed just before sunset on Seven Mile Beach. While our wedding party took photos after the ceremony, guests enjoyed a cocktail hour complete with steel drum band. And who caught the bouquet at the reception? Oh you know it! 

 

 

  

And Away We Go

Today is the big day that I've been planning for and greatly anticipating since December... I am headed to Jamaica for Erin's wedding! I can hardly believe her big day is right around the corner and am giddy with excitement to be a part of it.

I purchased a three spray tan package on Groupon for Ooh La La salon on Van Ness and used the first one a month ago before Erin's bachelorette in Vegas. I wasn't entirely thrilled with the results, but considering the discount I got by purchasing on Groupon it was acceptable. I also scheduled a tan for what should have been last night, knowing I'd want a little glow to start off my trip. Last night I got home from work, did the whole shower and scrub routine, drove all the way across the city... and the shop was closed. Oh my! I left a voicemail with the salon asking what happened, since last week I received automated confirmations via both email and voicemail. All they had to say was "Oh sorry, I didn't see it on the schedule" and offered to have me go in today instead. I was furious! I leave today! Pale, oh so pale, I leave today! No offer of compensation or discounted services in the future, just an "Oh, sorry." *Sigh*

I may not be airbrushed, but packed and prepared I am! 

Here are a few things that are easy to forget when you're going abroad:

- Let your bank know you will be out of the country 

- Find out if there are fees for using your ATM or credit card abroad

- Make sure your passport isn't within six months of expiration 

- Keep all your reservation confirmation numbers handy

- Don't assume your hotel will have a power/outlet converter. Bring one.

- And of course, leave room in your suitcase for souvenir shopping!

Technology and Change

It is undeniable that I'm heavily dependent on online services, everything from social sites like Facebook and online portfolios like Flickr to file sharing with Dropbox and downloading with iTunes. 

Last week I attended a brunch hosted by the Network of Executive Women and heard speaker Edie Weiner, who emphasized the shift from relationship based business to technology based business. I agree that the value in getting to know one's partners and clients on a personal level has decreased as computers are rapidly becoming our main form of communication and business process. Personnel turnover is far more rapid than it was for previous generations of professionals. However, the turnover in technology is frustratingly rapid as well. 

When I was in college, everyone used MySpace, until there was a shift toward Facebook. Twitter exploded, followed by Instagram, which was recently purchased by Facebook. Kodak Gallery was just sold to Shutterfly; and the list goes on. It is hard to be dependent on web-based services that are ever changing, evolving, selling, and merging. Thankfully, these kinds of transitions have only affected web-based services tied to me on a level of social interaction and convenience, and my professional life has remained relatively unaffected. I wonder, though, what is coming down the pipeline that might completely change workplace staples like Microsoft Outlook and Excel, or the way we utilize conference call services and engage in business travel.

I'm going to take Edie Weiner's advice and begin to regularly look at my business with "alien" eyes, being open to shifting the way I engage in my business. It is crucial to stay at the forefront of my industry rather than allow "the way we've always done things" to prohibit my company from anticipating inevitable changes.

Tea Bridal Shower

Erin and I have been friends since we were four years old. We met in Sunday School at a little church in our hometown. We've had oh so many adventures over the last 24 years; growing up at the same church and sometimes in the same schools, spending a summer in Nepal together during high school, an internship in Dallas, and in recent years plenty of visits back and forth between her home in Los Angeles and mine in San Francisco. She's a gem, and I couldn't be more thrilled to be a part of her big day - in Jamaica no less!

Last weekend was Erin's bridal shower, a tea party with flea market inspired decor. It was a very "Erin" tea, with every last detail well thought out. I'm not sure how her fiance will react when he realizes Erin registered for and indeed received every type of bowl and desert dish imaginable, but I'd say the event went off without a hitch and she got piles of fabulous gifts.

Delhi

My apologies for the lack of blogging these past few weeks! I promise, I had a very good excuse. I spent two lovely weeks on holiday in Delhi, and while I had wifi access, I couldn't bring myself to spare a moment of the trip typing away when I could be exploring the city or visiting with friends.

On my way to India, I had an 11-hour layover in London, which turned out to be one of my favorite days of the trip! I landed at Heathrow mid-morning, took the Tube to Picadilly, and walked a couple blocks to Berry Brother's and Rudd. It was incredible getting a tour of their shop, one of the oldest in London. The building and the company have such rich history and are in an ideal location, just a short walk across Green Park to Buckingham Palace. That evening, I made my way back to the airport for an overnight flight to Delhi.

From the time I arrived in Delhi my days were a whirlwind. I walked all over the city exploring ruins, temples, markets, and parks. I stayed with a college friend, Poh Si, who is a foreign correspondent based in Delhi with her Indian lawyer husband. It was exciting to see the city from the locals' perspective, getting to experience the places where they shop and dine, and hanging out with their friends, many of whom are journalists or work for NGO's. A huge highlight of the trip was spending two days with my dear friend Esther and her mother, who passed through Delhi at the tail end of their three-week India adventure.

 

 

Well hello there 2012

Last year I had an unofficial resolution to get myself to a better place, one where I wasn't feeling so bogged down by the people around me or the living situation I was in. As controversial as my choices seemed to some along the way, they proved to be the right ones. I managed to cut out all the drama and negativity from my life and landed a dream job in my favorite city. I live alone, which for me is ideal, and maintain a small pool of friends and family who I trust and respect. That last bit might sound simple enough, but I have learned the hard way that good people are hard to come by, and all too often the ones who should be a sure thing are the ones who hurt you the most.

I hadn't planned on making any clearly outlined resolutions for 2012, I never really do list them out. My resolutions tend to be ever evolving. This year I do have a list, and here's why. 

A childhood friend, who got engaged over the holidays, asked me to be a bridesmaid in her destination wedding this August... Of course my first thought was OMG OMG OMG or something ridiculous like that, because I'm absolutely elated that these two have finally decided to get hitched and thrilled that they want me to be a part of it. However, sheer terror followed as the realization hit me that I'm going to be in Jamaica wanting to run around in a bikini but will feel too pale and chubby to do it! Well, unless there's a considerable amount of rum involved, and surely there will be, but let's try not to hate myself when I see the photographic evidence later on, eh? I'm honestly not that far away from my college weight and it's entirely reasonable to run it off in the next few months without having to take any extreme measures.

 

Labor Day Weekend in Amador County

I spent Labor Day weekend in Amador County, one of my favorite Northern California gems! My grandparents have lived in Jackson (yes, there's more there than an Indian casino) for 20 years, so I have plenty of wonderful childhood memories there. But it has been especially delightful to explore the area in new ways as an adult.

Thanks to a LivingSocial Escapes deal, I stayed two nights at the St. George Inn in Volcano. The LivingSocial deal came with a bottle of local wine, two $20 vouchers to the Jackson Rancheria casino, and a discount voucher for dinner in the St. George restaurant.

A scenic 15 minute drive away from the St. George is Sutter Creek, a quaint town known for having the most thriving boutiques and antique shops in Amador County. My favorite is Tomorrow's Heirlooms. They carry the most darling women's clothing and paper goods! Another favorite is Tea Eras. Their menu allows you to choose from a variety of tea, pastry and lunch items, and their gift shop guarantees you won't leave empty handed.

While Jackson doesn't have quite as many shops, don't overlook their downtown. There's a great kitchen store, candy and ice cream shop (we're talking troughs of salt water taffy, people!), and a handful of unique boutiques and antique shops. I would also recommend popping by the Kennedy Mine. It's a great piece of California history!

Two must-sees that I didn't hit last weekend but did enjoy while I was in the area a couple months ago, are Daffodil Hill and Indian Grinding Rock. Daffodil Hill is seasonal, so be sure to check online before you visit to make sure the flowers are in bloom. Grinding Rock has tours but can also be explored on your own.

The Adventure of Failure

I have started and restarted this blog a dozen different ways attempting to draw from some analogy that would mask the more venerable and personal aspects of its origin. Screw the analogies. This blog entry is about the raw ugly hard part of life that I don't usually send off into cyberspace for fear that it will taint others' ability to view me in a strictly professional light. However, I honestly believe that the most precious thing we have to offer one another are our stories, because in doing so we can inspire, motivate or even provide accountability to those around us. So allow me to begin by saying 2009 was not my year.

If you had asked me at 21 what the next ten years of my life would look like I'd have told you that I was going to finish my degree, get a job as a photojournalist, travel the world, fall madly in love, and that the rest of my life would be a long string of momentous occasions. Because why the hell shouldn't it be? Here's the truth. Two men have loved me enough to marry me, and those same two men have cheated on me and left me. For five years I immersed myself in all things journalism only to spend two years working in a corporate cubicle before watching my career swirl down the drain before it had really even begun. There are days, today even, when I allow the doubt, the defeat and the resentment to creep in and take hold of my mind and my heart. There have been countless times in my life when the only thing that kept me pushing was knowing that there were people who cared what happened to me even when I didn't. Perhaps that's the trick to a good life; always surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and love you through the tough stuff.

So back to 2009... After a year and a half in my cubicle I had gotten stir crazy and was itching to go back to school. My company had an opening in Tempe, AZ and would help me pay for my MBA at Arizona State. I told myself that if I got that opening it was a sign - I was meant to go. So when I got it, I did. Perhaps I should have seen the red flags popping up when HR messed up my transfer paperwork, or when my car fell off a U-Haul trailer just shy of Palm Springs on the drive over. I tried to stay optimistic and just passed it off as clumsy luck. As my three months in AZ slowly crept by, I found myself dealing with endless HR problems, drama with my ex back in CA, and even went into kidney failure thanks to the triple-digit dry desert heat. I threw in the towel. I shoved as much of my belongings as would fit into my Ford Focus and abandoned the rest. I headed back to NorCal, but this time through Vegas because, hell, who wouldn't have needed a weekend in Vegas at that point. Upon arriving home I didn't even apply for unemployment because I couldn't imagine it taking longer than a couple weeks to start working again. Four months later I found myself caving in and accepting a job pushing papers in a small office for barely over minimum wage. I worked hard and learned quickly and my financial situation slowly began to get better, but only as my personal life once again fell to pieces.

I could easily end this entry there and wait patiently for your, "I'm so sorry!" and "Keep your chin up!" replies, but that's not the point of this entry at all. The point is that 2009 might have topped my list of disastrously disappointing years, but it has been jam packed with adventure.

I went to a rave in Mexico City and got drunk at a soccer bar with the locals. I attended my second Southwestern Photojournalism Conference in Dallas. I had an action packed road trip to Arizona. While I was there, I got to deepen my friendship with one of my dearest girlfriends and hung out with cousins who I grew up only visiting every couple years. I watched the sunset from the top of "A" Mountain and played volleyball in Lake Powell. I road tripped to Vegas... twice. I spent a weekend helping my college best friend pick out a couch for her new apartment three blocks from Venice Beach. I went to a fashion show with an old friend who didn't mind sharing a bottle of cheap wine in soup cups. And perhaps most incredible of all, I watched my nephews start preschool and was able to be around when they began using all sorts of smart words.

2009 can't have been a bad year, it was just a year full of the unexpected. The author of "Eat, Pray, Love" wrote about how agonizing her transition was from who she was before the one-year adventure that became that book and the woman that book allowed her to be. By being stripped of everything she had, including her financial security and her relationship, she found a new and better woman inside herself and began to thrive. I challenge you, I challenge myself - Let 2009 not be a year of brokenness but a year of refiner's fire that segways into a 2010 overflowing with blessings and success.

Does humanitarianism perpetuate poverty?

A friend and I had a long and lively debate this evening about whether or not Western humanitarian aid is ultimately helpful or hurtful to developing nations and what role the government should play in foreign aid compared to charities. I admittedly approach this subject from a more heartfelt and emotional standpoint, having been actively involved in humanitarian work from early childhood. This friend is also well traveled and has been living and working in a developing nation for the past several years, however he has very different thoughts on how Western involvement in developing nations should be carried out.

The conversation was sparked by my forwarding of a promotional email from a non-profit organization. My reasoning for including this friend on the forward was not so much that I expected him to donate as that being a photography enthusiast I assumed he would enjoy the photographs, which were taken by another friend of mine who we've spoken about in the past.

My friend promptly refuted my support of this non-profit's work by giving historical context to the inability of Western charity to contribute toward a lasting betterment of developing nations. I defended that there is more to charity than solving global issues; there is the meeting of basic human needs be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. I was enraged that this friend dared attribute my compassion for these peoples' livelihood to propaganda for a flawed and ultimately damaging practice. It took some time for us to both set aside emotion and talk facts.

We agreed that if humanitarian efforts met only the physical needs of the people and did not address the overlaying issue of government corruption that the government would never assume a sense of responsibility for meeting its people's needs, and that the people would grow complacent and not be motivated to rise up and force their government to do so. We did not agree on how Western nations should alter their approach to this situation.

The United States government is selective about which countries and which types of conflicts it will become involved in. Africa is, as a continent, rather abandoned by government intervention from the US. It is my opinion that the US does not involve itself in African coups and civil wars because there is no African nation capable of being a militaristic threat to it and most of the commerce between African countries and the US can be met otherwise. Unrest in parts of Europe, Asia and the Middle East, on the other hand, is of concern to the US because there stands a greater threat. It was not directly stated, although I can fairly assume that my friend would agree that the US justifiably must consider its own physical and monetary well being when approaching any foreign conflict. However, where we part ways is in our views as to the balance between political and humanitarian motivation for Western intervention.

My friend stated that the best way to dissolve a dictatorship is to politically endorse and finance a new and better leader. I strongly disagree. I simply cannot imagine a way in which the American people would be able to agree upon a way to carry out such a policy, and should the US government do so without consulting its people, there would be widespread outrage. Not to mention that this theory entirely neglects to address the very grim probability of the new leader being any less corrupt than the last. A man who has not been shown compassion does not know how to be compassionate. A man who rises up solely out of selfish ambition will address his political office as a self-seeking leader. In order for a political figure to effect positive socioeconomic change in his country he must first understand what the needs are and have a genuine desire to meet them.

There is no quick or simple answer, but I will definitely continue researching and trying to gain a more inclusive understanding of the issue. I'll probably revisit and rewrite this blog entry several times as I gain new perspective.

Gender and Purpose

Last weekend a friend and I were discussing our views on relationships, marriage, and life in general. We agreed that most of our friends had become single parents or entered into unhappy marriages. We speculated the "whys," trying to sort out the reasons behind the difference between the path our friends had taken and those we had taken.

Does it not defy our culture of the American Dream for us to be in our mid-20's and unmarried? To not have roots anywhere or a long term commitment to anything or anyone? This friend and I are both self-proclaimed adventurists with insatiable wanderlust. If asked to choose between domesticity and globe trotting, we would both choose the latter in a heart beat. This caused me to start analyzing what other factors outside of an obsession with travel and culture could be contributors to this lack of interest in the "American Dream." I decided that, at least in my case, there are two major factors.

The first goes hand in hand with wanderlust. It is one's world view. Why do I have a lack of interest in domesticity? Because I have seen enough of the world to know there is so much more yet to be discovered. Why do I not care about having a formal wedding and a status affirming diamond ring? Because I know how far $30,000 can go in in the pocket of a globe trotter, and because I have seen the devastating affects of the diamond industry on the developing nations where those stones originate. Why do I not care about having my own children? Because I have worked in orphanages where multitudes of abandoned children waste away discarded and abused. My world view is more broad than that of someone who has been raised to believe the world is only as big as their suburban town, and that their value goes only as far as their ability to become an integral part of that town.

The second factor and the one I want to focus more on in this blog has to do with my perceived lacking of "real men." I don't subscribe to the rational of blaming men in general or society as a whole for the struggles that my generation of women face; although I do believe that understanding the current condition of these things sheds light on the tug of war inside our heads and hearts. If society places a strong feminist emphasis on the equality of genders and the dissolving of "traditional" gender roles, we cannot be surprised to find a generation of emasculated young men stripped of their fight. Men are designed to have a warrior's heart and an adventurer's spirit, but when they embrace these things they are chastised for their machismo. My generation of women were taught that they shouldn't be dependant on men. In turn, our generation of men have realized that women don't need them. These men have begun to believe that unless they allow women to "wear the pants," they'll be trampled and lost. They sacrifice their masculinity in order to simply be kept around. I realize how controversial this is but I'm going to say it anyway - Feminism has deflated real men. But what we need are real men.

If a man doesn't know how to be masculine he will never walk with purpose. If a woman doesn't know how to be feminine she will never be satisfied. "A man needs to be tender at times, and a woman will sometimes need to be fierce. But if a man is only tender, we know something is deeply wrong, and if a woman is only fierce, we sense she is not what she was meant to be." – John Eldredge in Wild at Heart. Before a man or a woman decides who they want, they need to discover who they are. They need to be whole people in and of themselves with a sense of direction as to what they were created for, and then trust that IF they are meant to get married and have children then as they walk out their purpose those two seemingly polar opposites will align in way that works uniquely for them.

Not everyone believes in destiny or callings. I believe that these things are not only real but that their acceptance is an integral part of our ability to thrive. Some of our passions in life are more than fleeting interests; they are a part of our purpose and should not be cast aside for the sake of practicality or fitting the mold. I have often been told that my wanderlust is merely a subconscious aversion to commitment and that someday I'll deal with my "issues" and decide to settle down. However, I know that my wanderlust is a part of my being and cannot be ignored or stifled or treated because doing so would strip me of my purpose.

So where is the balance? I am a 25-year-old, educated, financially independent, single woman. I cannot live each day husband hunting any more than a woman who yearns for motherhood can live each day denying her calling to that. We cannot merely want what we are taught to want, or be the sort we are told to be. The focus should not be on finding someone to make us happy, but on finding happiness in being, and trusting that by walking down our own paths the rest will fall into place without any compromise or extraneous effort on our part.

Mexico

I spent a few days in Mexico City to visit an old friend, attend a music festival, and check out some of the little surrounding towns. I'm in love with Mexico City! And can't wait to go back.