Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Confrontation and Standards

This conversation happened via Facebook a while back and the more I thought about it the more I felt inclined to post it. One thing that really bothers me is when people confront others about their perceived lack of moral standards without first giving their own standards some thorough analysis. Why do I believe this? Where did I get this from? Is it something subjective that I've chosen for myself but might not necessarily apply to everyone else? Am I even in a position to genuinely confront this person?

Hopefully I opened up this former roommate's eyes a bit, especially considering she hasn't seen and and has hardly spoken with me in eight years.

(HER FIRST EMAIL) "Hey Kimberly, So I know that I am not there to tell you this to your face but you know me and you know that i would if i could, so I will just do the next best thing and send you a message about this. Eph. 4:31 "Let all...evil speaking be put away from you.." It is so weird to see cursing in your messages to people, like about you being someone's b-word. What is that??? I am not judging you...I love you and I am just holding you to a higher standard like we were taught to live. Those years at TM were not a waste of time...they were years that should affect us and change us for a lifetime. I hope that I don't offend you b/c that is not my intention at all. I just want to see the beautiful woman you are on the outside shine even brighter b/c of the Jesus who lives on the inside. Talk to you later Kimberly."

(MY RESPONSE) "The only 'bad' word specifically identified in the Bible is using His name in vain. Outside of that, words that are identified as 'bad' are based on societal standards, which shift based on the time and the place and even one's social status. For example, I will only rarely use the 'F-Word,' however my dad would be deeply offended for me to even use the word 'crap' in front of him. And I'm assuming 'crap' isn't a word that you would generally take offense to even though my dad would scold you for having a wicked tongue at the word's usage. So allow me to give you some accountability. Who are you to decide what language is appropriate and good for me? Do no allow yourself to become a Bible brandishing zealot who boasts of their purity to others and expects their own personal standards, set merely by you and those around you, to be applied to the rest of society. I am fully aware of and comfortable with the situational appropriateness of the words that I choose."

(HER RESPONSE) "Wow! That is one thing I have always loved about you Kimberly! You know what your convictions are and don't let anyone sway you. I respect that. Your message is definitely causing me to think because I really cannot combat anything that you wrote. You are right that crap is not a bad word to me but it is to some people in my church to be exact. I was also thinking...I use the word whore and it is not a bad word to me but the first time I said it in front of my mother-in-law I got a strange look. Yeah oops. I guess it is a bad word to some people. Thank you for speaking your mind and for writing me back about it. It shows that our friendship is still there and that we can agree to disagree without being offended. I love you girl. Talk to you later."