Tuesday, December 16, 2008

All I know is...

People are always telling me that my job will teach me a lot about corporate America and that I'll gain valuable knowledge that translates into other professional roles I have in the future. After a year and a half of getting my toes wet with this corporate gig, here are two things I have learned that I will definitely keep in mind down the road.

ONE - I strongly suggest against every looking at your pay stub to compare your year-t0-date gross earnings and your net pay. It is really.. REALLY.. depressing. The salary they tell you you're getting is not anywhere near what actually goes into your bank account. Hooters waitresses make more money than you do, and it's better to just accept now that this country places a higher value on big boobs than your bachelor's degree.

TWO - Never take nice corporate gestures as genuine displays of appreciation for your enslavement. When your office cafeteria throws a free meal to celebrate you, check the expiration dates on the steak sauce and juice boxes. Do not under any circumstances eat the turkey sausage. And when they tell you that because of all your hard work they want to make sure you get to spend maximum time with your loved ones during the holidays so they are allowing you to use some of next year's vacation time early.. Don't be flattered. You're getting laid off next spring and they don't want to pay out as many hours.