Kimberly Warne

Style crush!

2012-01-31T13:06:00.000-08:00

How excited am I about this online store I just stumbled into?! Definitely ordering the short braid in heather gray for myself! The awesome thing about shopping small designers' websites is they're usually really willing and able to customize their products for you, and this lovely lady openly offers. The only downside is you have to pay with PayPal, and I'm not a PayPal fan, but for anyone who regularly shops Etsy or eBay I'm sure that's not an issue.

Oh, the shame!

2012-01-30T11:27:00.000-08:00

On January 19th, Anchor Brewing Company and Brooklyn Brewery announced a friendly wager placed on the NFC championship game. Well, the 49ers lost, so over here at the brewery today and every day this week we're all swallowing our pride and honoring the bet. Anchor's president, John Dannerbeck, and our tour guides, Daniel and Teagan, are sporting NY Giants Superbowl t-shirts and the first beer being poured at each of the two daily tastings this week is from Brooklyn Brewery. Oh, the shame!

Delhi

2012-01-26T16:38:00.000-08:00

My apologies for the lack of blogging these past few weeks! I promise, I had a very good excuse. I spent two lovely weeks on holiday in Delhi, and while I had wifi access, I couldn't bring myself to spare a moment of the trip typing away when I could be exploring the city or visiting with friends.

On my way to India, I had an 11-hour layover in London, which turned out to be one of my favorite days of the trip! I landed at Heathrow mid-morning, took the Tube to Picadilly, and walked a couple blocks to Berry Brother's and Rudd. BBR is a part owner of Anchor Brewing Company and our spirits team here at the brewery interacts with the London team quite a bit. It was incredible getting a tour of their shop, one of the oldest in London. The building and the company have such rich history and are in an ideal location, just a short walk across Green Park to Buckingham Palace. That evening, I made my way back to the airport for an overnight flight to Delhi.

From the time I arrived in Delhi my days were a whirlwind. I walked all over the city exploring ruins, temples, markets, and parks. I stayed with a college friend, Poh Si, who is a foreign correspondent based in Delhi with her Indian lawyer husband. It was exciting to see the city from the locals' perspective, getting to experience the places where they shop and dine, and hanging out with their friends, many of whom are journalists or work for NGO's. A huge highlight of the trip was spending two days with my dear friend Esther and her mother, who passed through Delhi at the tail end of their three-week India adventure.

Bedside Lamp

2012-01-06T14:22:00.000-08:00

I have a small bedside stand that I've been looking to put a lamp on for ages but haven't been able to find anything well suited. Lamps are so boring and lamp shades take up too much space. I recently saw some lighting fixtures in an Urban Outfitters store and thought to try it out for myself.

For years I've owned a cord for hanging a single bulb, I assume intended for paper lamps and such, but hadn't found use for it. I decided to cut the wire frame out of a lampshade I already owned and turn it into a mini version of the fixtures I'd seen at Urban.

I started out with scissors but switched to a razor blade because it was easier to maneuver. I cut off the fabric, tossed the bottom of the frame and only used the smaller top piece, attached the bulb and frame to the cord, and ta-da! Perfect bedside lighting that I can switch on and off from bed instead of having to walk over to the switch.

New Year's Weekend

2012-01-04T16:19:00.000-08:00

I hope you all enjoyed your New Year's weekend!

I rang in the new year on Saturday night with friends in Pasadena, shopped my way through the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica on Sunday, and watched the Rose Parade on Monday.

My first day home wasn't an entirely ideal way to start the new year... I flew in before work only to find my car battery was dead so it was 2pm before I got to the brewery. I couldn't just call it a personal day and go home because it was the first day of the month as well as the first day of the year, which means a whole lotta reports to run for this business analyst. I got home around 8pm to discover that some critters had tipped over my garbage can and made a mess of the yard. After cleaning up, I headed inside to unpack. Apparently I didn't zip my toiletries bag all the way because a bottle of Biosilk had leaked all over my clothes. It was easily 9:30pm by the time I threw together some egg whites and veggies for dinner and plopped down on the couch to catch a rerun of The Secret Circle. Determined not to let my year start off on a bad note, I did my best to laugh it off and start fresh today.

Well hello there 2012

2011-12-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

Last year I had an unofficial resolution to get myself to a better place, one where I wasn't feeling so bogged down by the people around me or the living situation I was in. As controversial as my choices seemed to some along the way, they proved to be the right ones. I managed to cut out all the drama and negativity from my life and landed a dream job in my favorite city. I live alone, which for me is ideal, and maintain a small pool of friends and family who I trust and respect. That last bit might sound simple enough, but I have learned the hard way that good people are hard to come by, and all too often the ones who should be a sure thing are the ones who hurt you the most.

I hadn't planned on making any clearly outlined resolutions for 2012, I never really do list them out. My resolutions tend to be ever evolving. This year I do have a list, and here's why.

A childhood friend, who got engaged over the holidays, asked me to be a bridesmaid in her destination wedding this August... Of course my first thought was OMG OMG OMG or something ridiculous like that, because I'm absolutely elated that these two have finally decided to get hitched and thrilled that they want me to be a part of it. However, sheer terror followed as the realization hit me that I'm going to be in Jamaica wanting to run around in a bikini but will feel too pale and chubby to do it! Well, unless there's a considerable amount of rum involved, and surely there will be, but let's try not to hate myself when I see the photographic evidence later on, eh? I'm honestly not that far away from my college weight and it's entirely reasonable to run it off in the next few months without having to take any extreme measures.

Last Lunches

2011-12-29T15:25:00.000-08:00

With the new year quickly approaching and fitness plans in the works, my coworkers and I decided to celebrate our last week of 2011 by gorging ourselves with all of our favorite lunches before they become forbidden. Here's our hit list, in case you're not starting a diet and want to check these spots out for yourself. Oh, and, make sure you order an Anchor Steam with your food at any of these places!

MONDAY - The brewery was closed, but I'm sure we all ate a ton of leftover Christmas goodies

TUESDAY - Goat Hill Pizza in Potrero Hill, half Meat Lover's and half Hilda's Favorite

WEDNESDAY - Jerry's Crispy Tacos at Dos Pinas in Potrero Hill

THURSDAY - Pupusas at a Salvadorian joint in the Mission called Balompie

FRIDAY - Umami Burger on Union, I'm leaning toward the shiitake one but we'll see!

Happy eating!

Christmas Weekend

2011-12-27T12:33:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a delicious, sparkly, cozy holiday weekend! Besides having my worst allergy attack of the year, mine was quite delightful. I spent time with family and friends, attended the Christmas program at church, and did a bit of shopping. I'm back at work today, but it hardly feels like a normal workday since the roads were nearly empty on my way in, there was no line at Starbucks, and my office is a ghost town. This evening I'll take down my Christmas decorations, and if I can get a friend to help, I'll take the tree out. I'm less sentimental about my Christmas tree now that I'm sure it is the culprit of this latest wave of awful allergies. How can such a pretty thing bring so much joy and so much ickiness at the same time? It is a mystery, a mystery that requires a lot of tea and inhalers.

The hometown holiday bar hop is something my friends and I look forward to every Thanksgiving and Christmas. It started in college when all the kids we grew up with would flock home for break and congregate at local dive bars to catch up. Even though we're all in our late 20's/ early 30's now, the tradition has carried on. For those of us who don't spend much time in our hometown anymore, it's still the easiest way to track down old classmates and friends and find out what everyone's been up to the last year (off of Facebook, that is).

Bucket List: Learn to Shoot

2011-12-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

I noticed that I hadn't checked anything off of my bucket list in a while, so I took a friend up on an offer to teach me how to shoot handguns at a range in South San Francisco. To be honest, firing a gun for the first time was absolutely terrifying! Everything about it was different than I expected. The gun was heavier than I thought it would be, and it was difficult to keep the gun from kicking up after each shot. The flash, the smell, the shell bouncing off the wall to my right, it caught me off guard with every shot. I feel like I did pretty well though, I mean, at least I hit the target every time! It's definitely something I want to try again.

Anchor on the Town

2011-12-13T16:25:00.000-08:00

When Anchor does national sales meetings, we mean business... then again, our business is beer.

Nothing says "team building" like spending an afternoon on a scavenger hunt leading our sales team through bars and across landmarks, drinking beers and buying rounds, all while donning those classic white brewer jumpsuits. Here's a little glimpse for you! (Click on photos to enlarge)

And PS- As long as you're sitting there daydreaming about Anchor beer, you should be sure to check out the new website, "like" us on Facebook, or "follow" us on Twitter. The new website blows my mind, and the videos are must-see!

Happy Holidays!

2011-11-30T10:24:00.001-08:00

Every year I try to have all of my Christmas gifts purchased and wrapped by Thanksgiving so that during the long weekend I can buy a tree and decorate the house. This year was no exception! While everyone else was braving the black Friday madness, I was cozy on my couch sipping cocoa and watching old movies. Okay well, I'm not going to lie, I did venture over to Cost Plus World Market for the 50% off sale on the below faux fur throw I've been eying. Can you blame me?

Grand View Park

2011-11-30T10:03:00.001-08:00

Between the time change and the heavy fog in my neighborhood, it's usually too dark and gloomy to safely jog after work, which is a bummer, because good luck getting me to do exercise videos in my living room instead. Yesterday I left work early because I had to turn in the paperwork for my Indian visa (hurray!), so I managed to squeeze in a good 30 minutes of outdoorsing before dusk. I discovered Grand View Park just blocks from my house! It is a peak in the middle of my neighborhood, Golden Gate Heights, with stairs on either side and room to walk around on top. It is currently being renovated so there is a lot of tree debris, but not enough to shut the place down. I ran up and down the stairs a few times and then stood on top to watch the fog bank creep toward downtown. Amazing.

Favorite Things

2011-11-18T10:48:00.001-08:00

I always love Oprah's favorite things holiday episode, top picks blog entries and the like, so I figured I'd share some of the products I enjoy, and maybe you'll get some good gift ideas out of it for your Christmas shopping! Have you started? With the exception of two gifts that are currently in lost in the USPS system thanks to either a glitch with Amazon or my slightly senile landlord, I'm already done and wrapped!

Elbow patch blazer by H&M, Suede round-toe pump by BCBGeneration, Chance by Chanel, Bangle by Hermes, Infinity scarf by Steve Madden, The Diana lomography camera, Moisture Surge moisturizer by Clinique, wooden colored pencils by Anthropologie, Fedora by Jessica Simpson, Wall hangs by Urban Outfitters, OPI nail polish, "K" wall hang by Urban Outfitters

Flat hair be gone

2011-11-16T11:55:00.001-08:00

Kim Kardashian does it... I realize that's not saying much these days, but when it comes to hair, girl gots it! The secret? Clip-in hair extensions. I have several friends who swear by them, but I've never jumped on the band wagon because I already have really long hair. Little did I know, extensions aren't just for regrettably short chops, they also add a ton of volume and can hold styling better than your own hair.

Last Saturday, I stopped by Sally Beauty Supply on my way to Tracy for a trim with the fabulous Kari Potter at Versailles, and picked up some 18-inch dark brown extensions. Kari didn't have to dye them because they're already so close to my color, she just trimmed them into my hair so the layers would match. She made it look so easy! Clipping them in by myself has been a little tricky, but I'm sure it's one of those things that just takes practice.

Busy busy busy!

2011-11-15T12:41:00.001-08:00

My fall was jam packed back to back shenanigans all weekend every weekend, and winter is shaping up to be more of the same!

Saturday was the Safeway Foundation Gala, an annual black tie benefit that raises money for Safeway's philanthropic arm, which contributes mostly to cancer research. The event takes place in a hanger on Treasure Island and includes a cocktail hour, silent auction, formal dinner, guest speakers, and a performance, this year from Lionel Richie.

Sunday I headed to Napa for a wedding at V. Sattui. It was one of the most romantic and genuine weddings I've been to yet! They totally lucked out on the weather, with high 60's and clear skies, and were able to have the wedding just after dusk in the courtyard in front of the barrel room.

Monday we did lunch on the Napa Wine Train. It was another clear, sunny day, and the vineyards were full of bright orange leaves. But a word to the wise: It's better to start a wine filled weekend on the train than to end it there. All I wanted to do was curl up on my seat and take a nap!

Pop-up Magazine

2011-11-11T14:21:00.001-08:00

Pop-up Magazine held their fifth issue at Davies Symphony Hall in downtown San Francisco on Wednesday evening. Pop-up Magazine is a deconstructed, live magazine format that is not photographed or recorded and the content is not made available after the event. It happens in that moment for that audience. A Pop-Up Magazine staffer told me the event sold out all 2,700 seats in just two hours. The official sponsors of Pop-up Magazine No.5 were Skyy Vodka and Anchor Brewing Company, so you know we were there to represent!

Around 5:30pm a few coworkers and I headed to Boxing Room for some pre-event munchies and brews. Boxing Room has only been open for a few months and boasts a unique menu of creole inspired foods. They also happen to have three of our beers on tap! We ordered one of everything on the appetizers menu and a round of Brekle's Brown, one of Anchor's newest beers.

After stuffing our faces with oysters and fried alligator, we headed a couple blocks down to Davies Symphony Hall. For two hours, an assortment of journalists, radio personalities and artists took the stage one right after the next for only a few minutes each, and presented on a variety of subjects ranging from war in the Congo to shark videography.

Pottery Barn and the Grandma Chair

2011-11-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

Confession- I have a major style crush on Pottery Barn. Iwould live inside a Pottery Barn if mall security would let me. I can't help but stroll through, running my fingers over the cable knit throws and tinkering with the home office accessories, picturing in my headwhere each item would go in my imaginary cottage. Cottage, yes, because mydream home would be more a cross between French country boutique and Z Gallerywhite on white on white. My current home is oh so very Kimberly, but hasdefinitely been styled around a few key hand-me-down pieces including "the grandma chair." My grandparents had it for ages but, in a compromise toget Gramps' card table covered in projects out of their dining room and into theirhome office, Grams sacrificed the chair to make space. I couldn't bear to see it lost in ayard sale so I gave it a new home. Unfortunately, the grandma chair has been sitting in acorner of my living room looking far too plain! It's unusually petite for an armchair so every pillow and throw I've paired with it seemed overbearing. PotteryBarn clearance wall to the rescue! Sunday, on one of my above mentioneddaydreaming strolls through a Pottery Barn, this time in Pleasanton, I stumbled across thisdarling little pillow marked down to a jaw dropping $10. It's perfect.

Pottery Painting

2011-11-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

I'm addicted to Living Social. But we already covered that in a recent post. I'm happy to report that after yet another Living Social Adventure, I'm still a happy customer!

Last Friday, a girlfriend and I met at Terra Mia, a pottery painting spot in Noe Valley. For $30, we enjoyed two hours of BYOB 21+ fun, yummy snack platters and a $10 pottery piece (with the option of paying for a more expensive one). There were two women from Terra Mia and several Living Social staff there mingling and offering up painting tips and tricks. We won't be able to pick up our finished pieces until this weekend because the lovely ladies of Terra Mia have to glaze and bake them, but here are some photos to give you an idea.

Were we embarrassed to be recognized as regulars? Not one bit! In fact, we got the inside scoop on an upcoming ugly sweater pub crawl - holy moly, count us in!

My Teen Mania Experience

2011-11-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

Last night MSNBC aired “Mind Over Mania,” an expose aboutTeen Mania Ministries, a Christian youth organization headquartered near Dallas, Texas. This recent wave of critique and skepticism of the organization was sparked by an alumni blog, which is frequented by hundreds of former Teen Mania interns.

After high school, I spent two years working for thisorganization. My first year was spent in the Honor Academy, during which Ilived in a dormitory on campus and worked a full-time job in the organization’soffice and took classes on subjects like religion and leadership. I spent mysecond year as the Assistant Merchandising Manager for the organization’s nationallytouring youth event, Acquire the Fire. After watching the expose, I debatedtrying to fly under the radar and not in any way implicate myself as havingbeen a part of Teen Mania. I decided that I needed to speakup about my experience, not just in support of other alumni who are hurting asa result of their experiences, but also to shed some light on portions of theexpose that I felt misrepresented my own experience.

Mind Over Mania used images from ESOAL throughout the expose, making it appear tobe a larger part of the Honor Academy than it actually is. ESOAL is a three-dayoptional retreat designed by a former Navy Seal to push willing participantsbeyond their physical and emotional limits. There certainly is a strongpressure to participate, and notparticipating is viewed as weakness and an unwillingness to grow, however it is entirely optional. What is not optional, and was onlybriefly addressed, is the Lost People Groups retreat. Theretreat is held in a forested part of the compound, and imitates a missionary/ unreached tribesituation.As a part of a “missionary” team, I was literally kidnapped by fellow interns from a "tribe" team,and was forced to spend countless hours in “jail” where the only light was ared strobe and the only food was a pack of strawberry Poptarts. While I knew itwas all a game, an adult version of playing war with childhood friends, theexperience was upsetting and disturbing. Another mandatory retreat is athree-day fast during which interns abstain from food and many from speaking aswell, and alternate between group teaching sessions and personal “quiet time.” For those not raised in Christian culture, "quiet time" is time spent one-on-one with God through Bible reading, prayer and journaling.The retreat is intended to create an experience in whichinterns are freed of distractions by sacrificing their comfort for theopportunity to hear God’s voice.

I was 16 years old when I joined theHonor Academy. I’ve been told that in recent years Teen Mania has enforced aminimum age requirement to prevent this, but during my year there were three ofus who had graduated high school early, thus making us exceptionally younginterns. During the first few days of Honor Academy, interns are interviewed by staff members who determine what on-campus job interns will receive. I was given an administrative role managing "debit cards." An integral part of the Honor Academy is accountability, which meanshaving an accountability partner on campus from whomyou seek advice and prayer, and filling out weekly “debit cards.” On thesecards interns indicate if they’ve had daily quiet times and attendedchurch, and if they’ve skipped any classes or work days. Each intern is responsiblefor truthfully answering these questions and allowing the organization to holdthem accountable. Receiving points on your debit cards resulted in things likeloss of off-campus privileges. Again, it is self-reported, so the organizationmaintains that interns are in essence inviting them to provide accountability.I spent the first several months as the "debit queen" and absolutely hated it.When I found out that the nurse’s aide had been dismissed for engaging in aromantic relationship, which is strictly forbidden, I requested to betransferred into her position. I held that job for the remainder of the HonorAcademy.

There are several other factors of the internship worthnoting, some of which were addressed in the expose. Interns pay to participatein the Honor Academy. They live in one of four dormitories on campus. Thesedormitories are gender segregated. Each dorm room has two three-high bunk bedsdown one wall and six small open faced closets down the other. There is acommunity bathroom and one community phone in each wing of the dormitory.Unless an intern owns a cell phone, this is the only phone that can be used tocall off campus for non-work related purposes. The phone sits on the floor ofthe hallway, can only be used for 15 minutes at a time, and requires a callingcard for long distance calls. Every morning interns are required to participatein one hour of corporate exercise before dawn, and one hour of quiet time. All interns eat in the campuscafeteria, where meal options are usually cheap, processed foods. Texas is extremely cold inwinter and extremely hot in the summer, and the lack of climate control in theoffices and dorms is a regular complaint. There is a very strict dress code for women, specifying the length of shorts and dresses, and how tightly clothing should fit. Women aren't allowed to show any midriff or cleavage even when bending or sitting. Dating andflirting of any kind is prohibited, and should anyone perceive you to beflirting with someone of the opposite gender, it is up to the staff’sdiscretion whether you should be allowed to interact with that person goingforward.

By the end of my first year I certainly had concerns andreservations about the experience, but decided to stay a second year withthe Ministry Team, a graduate program for interns touring with Acquirethe Fire. Graduate interns pay to work during this year as well, and are eitheron the production side of the event as actors, musicians, or technical staff,or are on the administrative side of the event in logistics or merchandise. Iwas assigned the job of Assistant Merchandising Manager, a role that is now apaid position within the organization.

During my Ministry Team year, I lived on a tour bus with twodozen people. Because there were only a handful of beds on the bus, we sharedbunks and took turns sleeping. We weren’t allowed to use the bathroom on thebus, so we had to wait and use public restrooms every four hours when we’d pulloff the highway. On several occasions, usuallyfor weeks at a time, our bus broke down so we lived in an oldschool bus, the yellow kind with hard brown seats and no climate control. Each weekend we pulled into a new city and workeddawn till dusk setting up and running the event, and then packing it back up.These were no small events. We’re talking about huge athletic stadiums withthousands of attendees. Big name Christian bands and speakers flew in to participate.We stayed with hostfamilies in each city. Sometimes I had great host families who spoiled us withhome cooked meals, a nice change from our mid-week fast food diet with a $7daily food allowance. Sometimes I had terrible host families, like when slept on the floor of a woman's house in the Atlanta projects next to her two small children. Shetold us stories about her abusive husband who was in jail for molesting theirdaughter. I witnessed a drive-by down the street my first night there. Host churches are responsiblefor the interns’ meals at the venue during the event. Sometimes thatresponsibility got lost in translation and we’d wind up living off of snackplatters.

In hindsight, what they did with our team was quiteincredible. We were two dozen young people with noadvanced education or developed skill sets, and yet they trained us in lessthan two months to build professional quality stages, sound and lighting, toput on elaborate dramas and concerts with pyrotechnics. As a 17-year-old, I was training hundreds of volunteers each week to run merchandisingtables, overseeing sales and inventory, andfunctioning as a personal assistant to my boss, the event manager. I also tookon an additional role of giving the on stage push for Compassion International,a partnering organization that matches sponsors with needy children indeveloping countries. There I was on stage in front of thousands of peopletelling them about my little Zubeda in Tanzania, who I continue to supporttoday. These are some of the positives that came from the experience. At afundamental level, the whole thing was wrong; so, so wrong. But the silverlining was the hands on education and experience, and the opportunity to travelall over the country.

At the end of my graduate year, Ron Luce roundedup the team and gave us a pep talk about how he knew we’d had an exceptionallyhard tour that year, that he knew many of us were frustrated and angry, butreminded us that we’d done something good and worthy. He warned us that when weleft Teen Mania people wouldn’t understand what we’d done with the last twoyears of our lives, but assured us that if we maintained the standardsinstilled in us by Teen Mania, we’d continue to progress in our spirituallives. I hated him. I hated every word that was coming out of his mouth. I wasso angry. I felt so used up and empty.

My mom flew out for the graduation ceremony and we traveledback to California together. I remember sitting in the car with her on the wayto the airport and staring at her from the passenger seat feeling like I washaving a deja vu from some former life. I repeated in my head, “This is mymom. I have a mom. I’m going home. That’s where I am from.” I realize thatsounds incredibly bizarre and there will be people who shared my experience atTeen Mania who sharply contest this. During those two years I’d been home tovisit twice, I spoke on the phone with my mother on a weekly basis, and Ihadn’t necessarily felt isolated at the time. After two years of intensity,overstimulation, and constant oversight and critique, nothing outside of TeenMania felt real.

All of that being said, I am still unsure whether to take astrong stance in opposition of Teen Mania. In my mind, doing two years with TeenMania was like doing two years with the military. I willingly enlisted myself knowing a specific mentality and lifestylewould be expected from me and engrained in me. When a young man fresh out of high schoolheads off to boot camp and is trampled through muddy trenches as interns are inESOAL, nobody says the government is manipulating, indoctrinating or abusinghim even though all of those things are true. The military needs that boy tobecome a soldier, to have a like mind, to serve a purpose that has nothing todo with him and everything to do with his employer. Is Teen Mania wrong fordoing the same thing just because it has a Jesus stamp on it? The use ofreligion as a form of control is as old as time. I suppose whatfeels so wrong about it is that the experience is pitched as being for theindividual when at the end of the day it feels more like a meal ticket for thepeople running it. Ron Luce, Dave Hasz and Heath Stoner are not saints, they are notanointed, they are not different than the interns who service them. They’resalesmen who are very good at eliciting emotional, financial and physicalsupport.

Over the last couple decades, Ron has grown thisorganization into a multimillion dollar machine by convincing thousands ofyoung people to pay to work. Sometimes he succeeds in molding these youth intohis cookie cutter version of modern Christianity and they go out into the worldand perpetuate his version of truth, purity and godliness. Sometimes he breaksthem down into depression, faithlessness, and a lost sense of self. I’mthankful that in my own way I have been able to digest the experience and gleanpositives from it.

To my fellow alumni, all I can say is do not to expectapologies or allow yourself to live like a victim. The staff at Teen Maniafirmly believe in what they are doing and in the experience they are selling.Be honest with yourself, process your experience as it was unique to you, andif you decide it sits well with your soul that’s okay. If it doesn’t, growforward from that place knowing exactly what you do not want to be. For me, inmy own life and in my own faith, Teen Mania is not what I want to be.

Loving these major falls deals!

2011-11-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when I go to discount fashion stores in search of supplies for my Halloween cakepops... Sometimes they have festive sprinkles and such in their baking section and I was having a hard time tracking down a couple of things.

But seriously, come on now, how could I not! Literally two fall seasons have come and gone as I have hunted for reasonably priced boots like these - Riding boots generally run $300+. I found this pair by Chinese Laundry on clearance for $70 at Nordstrom Rack (their store on 9th in SF is stellar!). And this blouse? It was meant to be! I walked up to the baking isle and blam! There is was hanging from a rack of pans, size Medium, oh so Kimberly in bone and sparkle with a clearance tag of $15. It would have been a crime not to take it home. And if it helps my case, I did buy sprinkles too.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm usually far more fun for Halloween than I was this year. Between feeling a little under the weather and work having been extra intense the last couple of weeks, I just didn't get into it. That being said, you know I never pass up an opportunity for holiday baking! A handful of us ladies at the brewery decided to dress up for work, and I couldn't help but add to the festivities by treating them to cakepops!

Sunday I stayed in my jammies all day, cooked sourdough french toast, sipped mimosas, watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," and baked. Despite not feeling so great, it was pretty ideal.

I found some fun decorating ideas online, which were harder than I expected, thanks to the major fail that is Wilton edible ink pens, but I managed to knock out a bunch worth sharing. If I was going to do these designs again I'd probably cut out stencils for the jack-o-lanterns and use cake graffiti spray. For the eyeballs, it would have been easier to toothpick on red food coloring and let dry, or even pipe on really thin lines of red chocolate.

Spice cake pumpkins, White cake eyeballs and mummies

Michael's Coupons

2011-10-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am by no means an extreme couponer. In fact, I didn't really start using coupons until Safeway began their "Just for U" campaign, which allows customers to go online and attach coupons to their club card. The only store I really hunt down discounts for is Michael's, because being crafty sure is expensive!

I'm not sure if it's the approaching holidays or if they just love me that much, but Michael's is running a ton of great sales in-store and putting out some serious coupons. Yesterday I walked into their Colma store armed with a lengthy shopping list and a "20% off entire purchase" coupon, and walked out an hour later with $90 worth of goodies for $50. Heck yes. Picture frames are 40% off, baskets are 50% off, .59c paper is 4/$1, ribbon is on various %-off sales depending on size and type... and so much more. It's too bad none of my Halloween cakepop supplies were on sale, but I hardly minded spending $8.99 on an edible ink pen set when I was scoring so big on everything else!

What kind of friend would I be if I didn't share the savings? Here's one for 20% off your entire purchase, which must be used by today, and another for 50% off a single item, which is only good for tomorrow. Happy crafting!

High School Reunion

2011-10-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ten years - holy moly. Well, technically 11.5, but that's only because I tested out half way through my junior year and high tailed it to Dallas. I decided that, while I could have attended the reunion for 2000, I'd rather attend the 2001 reunion since that was supposed to be my graduating class. Since I'm single, I dragged Jennie along, who was also class of 2001 but hadn't bought tickets. Most of our friends opted not to go but we wound up at a table with a good bunch.

My hot date!

Entry table and a group shot of our table

Two of my classmates and their wives

Pumpkin Carving

2011-10-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

I simply adore all things fall, especially all things holiday, and certainly all things pumpkin!

Just because a girl lives in the city doesn't mean she can't enjoy some good ol' fashion pumpkin patch fun and home cooked yumms! Yesterday after work, a friend and I headed to The Great Pumpkin Patch on Sloat and 19th Ave to goof off and pick up a few mini pumpkins and gourds for my mantle. We bought our carving pumpkins at Safeway - yah yah, I know, I am that cheap.

Low-fat jalapeno poppers from scratch (see recipe below)

Bruschetta (Baguette, basil leaves, tomato slices, mozzarella cheese)

Blood orange mimosas with black sugar rims

After munching, we carved up these beauties! Okay, well, maybe "beauties" isn't the best way to describe them, but after two bottles of sparkling wine we weren't exactly pro status.

This morning I seasoned and baked the seeds to take to the office and share! The batch on the left is cinnamon and sugar, and the batch on the right is salt. Separate seeds from the pumpkin guts and rinse well in strainer, spread seeds on a baking sheet, bake at 325°F for 10 minutes, stir them up and add more seasoning, pop back in for another 10-15 min until they are more crunchy than chewy.

LOW FAT JALAPENO POPPERS

Ingredients:

6 jalapeno peppers, 1/4 cup reduced-fat cream cheese, 1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream, 1/4 cup diced scallions, 1/2 cup packed reduced-fat shredded cheddar cheese, salt & pepper, 1/2 cup whole wheat flour, 1 1/2 cups whole wheat breadcrumbs, 4 egg whites, nonstick cooking spray.

Directions:

Preheat broiler on high. Wearing gloves - cut stem off of peppers, cut in half length-wise, scrape out seeds and membranes. Place jalapenos on foil covered baking sheet and broil for 2 min to draw out some of the spice. If you don't do this, they'll be WAY too hot! Set aside to cool completely.

Preheat oven to 450°F. In a small bowl mix together cream cheese, sour cream, scallions, and cheese. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Tightly pack mixture in each jalapeno half.

Put flour in shallow dish. Put breadcrumb in small dish. In a bowl, whip egg whites with a whisk until they are foamy but not quite holding peaks. Dredge jalapenos in flour, shaking off excess. Dip in egg whites, being careful not to lose the filling. Place in breadcrumbs and coat completely.

Place on foil covered baking sheet, salt and pepper to taste, spray lightly with cooking spray, and bake around 20 min until golden brown and crispy.

Living Social Adventures

2011-10-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of cheesy or cliche... but when it comes to Living Social... I just can't help myself! Living Social might be just another trendy online social offering, but they trump every other discount sight, especially when it comes to their adventure packages.

Earlier this year I went wine tasting in Napa with three girlfriends. For $80 (most wine country bus tours are upwards of $150) we were bussed from San Francisco to Napa, visited two wineries, recieved private tours and tastings, a tasty box lunch from a local eatery, and cupcake and cheese pairings. The two Living Social staff members who tagged along made for entertaining and interactive bus rides both ways.
We couldn't have had a better time!

More recently, three friends and I bought $30 tickets for an 80's themed roller skate dance party at Cell Space. The price included skate rentals, three hours of skate time, dance instruction (Thriller on skates - Um YES!), and one drink ticket for the bar. Epic.

Right now there are two deals I'm tempted to buy up - A one-hour yoga class with yogurt brunch, and a two-hour pottery painting class. Both are $30.

Sunset Jog

2011-10-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a little sunset jog along the ocean to turn Wednesday into the best day of the week. As much as I love the cold and gray, these fog-free, "Indian summer" sunsets sure are amazing.

Golden Gate Bridge

Pumpkin Yogurt

2011-10-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

I finally took a stab at my own version of this pumpkin yogurt recipe. It was my first time cooking wheat berries, so I was nervous, but it turned out great!

I found the wheat berries at Whole Foods and Googled how to properly cook them:
7 cups of water, 2 cups of wheat berries, 1 teaspoon salt, boil for one hour, strain any excess water, refrigerate. Make sure you stir a bit, especially at the beginning, to keep the wheat berries from sticking to each other or to the bottom, but for the most part just leave it be.

I used the entire Greek yogurt, the entire can of pumpkin (NOT the pre-seasoned pumpkin pie mix), and added cinnamon and sugar to taste. If you don't like bitter flavors, try using vanilla yogurt or adding more sugar.

After mixing together the ingredients, I poured it back into the Greek yogurt container for storage. I've been bringing it to work as breakfast and topping with wheat berries and apple cinnamon muesli. DELISH!

A Day of Brewing

2011-09-30T12:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity to shadow Dave, one of our fantastic brewers! It was a long, hard, sweaty ten-hour shift, and by the end of the day I was covered in hops and hives, but the experience was well worth it! I wish I could say I am now an expert on craft beer, but there is so much more to the process than I ever realized.

A Whiskey Thursday

2011-09-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

Birthday Weekend

2011-09-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

My goodness, turning 28 has been fun!

Friday evening a friend came into the city for dinner, drinks and a sleepover at my place. It was my millionth time dining at Dosa, but first time at their Fillmore location. I've always been afraid to branch out beyond their restaurant on Valencia because I was afraid it might ruin a good thing. I'm sure glad I did, because the Fillmore location is about five times the size and the decor is to die for!

Saturday morning, we headed downtown for Yoga for Hope, San Francisco's annual yoga fundraising event for City of Hope, a brilliant research and treatment hospital in Southern California, specializing in cancer, HIV/AIDS and diabetes. It was an unbelievably sunny day in Union Square, perfect for sweating through a couple hours worth of yoga workshops and demonstrations. There were a handful of sponsor booths with samples. Worth mentioning were the chocolate flavored Zico coconut water - holy cow! And the fig-blueberry-wheat grass smoothies at the Whole Foods booth - oh yum!

After Yoga for Hope, I hopped over the bridge to Oakland to attend the annual fundraising dinner for Little Flock Children's Homes near Chennai, India, which my Aunt Viji started. There are currently 48 children living there, many of whom were orphaned after the 2004 tsunami. Little Flock's mission is not to have the children adopted but to raise them in a Godly, family-like environment and to provide academic and career opportunities to them as young adults.

Sunday morning I met up with a few friends at The Phoenix Hotel for a Sunday Funday event called The Do Over. Even though we RSVP'd, we stood in line for ages. Thanks to the liquor store across the street, we didn't mind.

This morning there was delivery of Mrs. Field's cookies from my parents, one coworker brought me flowers, and another bought me a burrito for lunch- heck yes! I had to "work" late, but who could mind when the extra hours entailed entertaining guests and industry professionals at our kick-off party for San Francisco Cocktail Week!

What more could a girl ask for? I am oh-so blessed by the people in my life! Cheers to another wonderful year shared with all of you!

Little Pink Drill

2011-09-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

Fact: I'm a girlie-girl. Fact: I'm an incredibly stubborn and independent girl.

I'm pretty sure whoever first decided that a full-size, pink power drill ought to exist had me in mind. My grandparents bought me this one by Little Pink Drill as a housewarming gift last month! I named her "Towanda" (If that doesn't make sense to you, go rent Fried Green Tomatoes immediately).

Despite my miserable failure of an attempt at hanging curtain rods last weekend, I'm determined to master this thing! My friend and former coworker Kirstin is sleeping over tonight, and, while she doesn't realize it yet, this little girls' night in is actually a ploy to get those curtains hung. Being a home-owner has turned her into a DIY rock star!

Staying Warm in the Sunset

2011-09-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

I live in the Sunset neighborhood of San Francisco where it's cold all the time. Literally, all year around I wake up to my car dripping wet and fog so thick sometimes I can't see past my block. I'm pretty stingy on utilities so I try to find practical ways to stay cozy in my little flat without turning on my heater.

Here are some of my favorites...

Socks and slippers galore! I live in my white booties. They're oh so cozy! But my knock-off Ugg slippers and those thick knitted socks sure get a lot of wear too. Cooking and baking is an easy way to warm the place up and it forces me to eat real food instead of living off of take-out. Hats! I've never thought of myself as a hat person, but for a long time I didn't think I could pull off big earrings either (thanks Kirstin!). My favorite place to shop for cheap, fun winter accessories like hats and scarves is definitely H&M.

Speaking of scarves... They're my fall weather obsession. I've got a drawer full. My favorite black one was stolen a few months ago and I've been on the hunt for a replacement ever since. I've also been trying to find extra long ones that wrap around several times instead of hanging down in the front. I've seen them in photos but never been able to track one down for myself, so I was thrilled to find a long, black one at Nordstrom Rack on my lunch break last week! And for so cheap! I'll have to keep checking back there to see if any other colors come in.

Labor Day Weekend in Amador County

2011-09-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

I spent Labor Day weekend in Amador County, one of my favorite Northern California gems! My grandparents have lived in Jackson (yes, there's more there than an Indian casino) for 20 years, so I have plenty of wonderful childhood memories there. But it has been especially delightful to explore the area in new ways as an adult.

Thanks to a LivingSocial Escapes deal, I stayed two nights at the St. George Inn in Volcano. The LivingSocial deal came with a bottle of local wine, two $20 vouchers to the Jackson Rancheria casino, and a discount voucher for dinner in the St. George restaurant.

A scenic 15 minute drive away from the St. George is Sutter Creek, a quaint town known for having the most thriving boutiques and antique shops in Amador County. My favorite is Tomorrow's Heirlooms. They carry the most darling women's clothing and paper goods! Another favorite is Tea Eras. Their menu allows you to choose from a variety of tea, pastry and lunch items, and their gift shop guarantees you won't leave empty handed.

While Jackson doesn't have quite as many shops, don't overlook their downtown. There's a great kitchen store, candy and ice cream shop (we're talking troughs of salt water taffy, people!), and a handful of unique boutiques and antique shops. I would also recommend popping by the Kennedy Mine. It's a great piece of California history!

Two must-sees that I didn't hit last weekend but did enjoy while I was in the area a couple months ago, are Daffodil Hill and Indian Grinding Rock. Daffodil Hill is seasonal, so be sure to check online before you visit to make sure the flowers are in bloom. Grinding Rock has tours but can also be explored on your own.

Updates!

2011-08-24T08:09:00.001-07:00

I've been a major blog slacker! My last post was in May! So let's get caught up.

After two years with a major retailer and a year and a half on the broker side of the CPG industry, an opportunity surfaced to move not only to the manufacturer side of the business but also into the highly desirable world of adult beverage. Another huge positive for me was being able to move back to San Francisco, the only place I've ever felt at home!

Anchor Brewers & Distillers

Last Wednesday, I said farewell to my old office and to the dear friends I made there, and first thing Thursday morning I loaded up a U-Haul truck with the help of three friends from Portland. Worth noting: They took an entire day of their road-trip to do that! I don't think I've ever laughed so much in one day, let alone enjoyed a move so much (this was my 20th move, so I can say with certainty that moving is not fun). I'm so glad I gave myself a four-day weekend to move because unpacking was a ton of work! Monday was my first day at the new gig and, as far as I can tell, it's love.

My Oregonian laborers

I am happy. Very, very happy.

Easter Cake

2011-04-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

I sure have had a lot of baking-related posts lately! I just can't help myself. =)

I wanted to bring something cutesy to my parents' house for Easter and when I saw a similar cake online I just had to give it a try.

I did carrot cake on the bottom and yellow cake on top (in case my nephews didn't like the carrot, but they loved it!). The "nest" is made of chocolate that I melted and drizzled on wax paper. The eggs are rice crispy treats covered in fondant. Those were more tricky than they're worth. If I ever do this again I'll just do chocolate eggs.

Easter Bunny Cupcakes

2011-04-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

Here's a sweet treat I whipped up to spread a little spring cheer at the office!

Spice cupcake with vanilla frosting. The ears and bows are made of chocolate I melted and piped onto wax paper. The baskets I scored at Michael's in the dollar bins!

Cake Pops

2011-04-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

I've been seeing cake pops everywhere lately so I had to give them a try!

Strawberry cake and yellow chocolate with pink sprinkles.

If you fee like being really ambitious, Bakerella has some awesome themed cake pops on her site. I really want to try some Easter chicks!

Christopher

2011-03-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

We'd been scouting out this location for months so it was a huge disappointment when we finally got out there and it poured all day. After killing some time in the shops on 4th Street, we caught a lucky 30-minute break in the weather to snap off a few frames.

Alicia & Girls

2011-03-24T20:58:00.001-07:00

You've seen plenty of photos of this little family over the years. Alicia is forever my favorite client and a dear friend. Her daughters are so easy to photograph because even when they're in a stinky mood, like they were this day, all I have to say is "show me your supermodel!" and suddenly they're full of adorable poses.

We'd hoped to shoot in the blooming orchards between Tracy and Modesto, but the sky was so clear and bright that I wasn't getting any good shots (except for that top center one of the girls running, which I'm in love with). Luckily, we stumbled upon an old feed warehouse that made for even lighting and an awesome backdrop.

Jen in Phoenix

2011-03-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

The lovely Jen Barney in Phoenix, Arizona!

These photos were a gift for her mom, who had complained that she didn't have any recent photos of Jen to hang in the house. I certainly hope her mom fell in love with these!

Valentine's in Marin

2011-02-23T22:51:00.000-08:00

We had a picnic lunch, hiked a couple of trails, sat on a pebbled beach; it was amazing!

Valentine's Brunch

2011-02-23T21:51:00.000-08:00

The weekend before Valentine's Day, I had a few ladies over for brunch.

We sipped mimosas, decorated sugar cookies at the cookie bar, and played a movie love quotes game. It was such fun!

Fall Family Photos

2010-11-02T19:51:00.001-07:00

I finally discovered a fantastic default location for portraits in Livermore! I took these photos of the Salas/ Dress siblings last week at Sycamore Grove Park. There is a $5 parking fee but it's well worth the scenery. There's a decent sized bridge, countless crawling tree branches and several miles of trail. Except for a few joggers and cyclists, we had the place to ourselves!

If you know these guys, shhhh!

They had these photos done as a birthday treat for their mom ;)

Oakland Riots 7/8/2010

2010-07-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

Thursday, July 8th, former BART police officer Johannes Mehserle was convicted by a Los Angeles jury of a lesser involuntary manslaughter instead of second-degree murder in the New Year's Day 2009 killing of Oscar Grant during his arrest at the Fruitvale, Oakland BART station.

Prior to the 4:00 pm reading of Mehserle's conviction, several downtown Oakland merchants boarded up their storefront windows as a precautionary measure, fearing a repeat of the looting that occurred after Grant's death in 2009. Many businesses allowed their employees to leave early, causing downtown BART stations to become overwhelmed by outbound passengers.

The City of Oakland also took measures to reduce the potential for unrest by calling in officers from 15 different law enforcement agencies, including city police from San Leandro and Hayward, Alameda County Sheriff's Office and California Highway Patrol. Many of the Oakland Police Department officers who worked that evening did so despite the layoffs the department was expected to make this week.

By 7:00 pm, an estimated 800 protesters had gathered on Broadway between 12th and 14th streets, surrounded by a large force of police officers in riot gear, armed with batons and tear gas. The crowd remained tense but peaceful until sundown. Around 9:00 pm, as several protesters began vandalizing storefronts, police declared the protest an unlawful assembly and closed in on the crowd, arresting any who challenged their blockade.

Dozens of self-proclaimed anarchists wearing bandanas over their faces used hammers to break through storefront windows. Looters forced their way into a Foot Locker, beauty shop and jewelry store near 14th Street and Broadway and fled with merchandise. Piles of clothing and shoes removed from Foot Locker were set on fire in the street. Oakland Police and Alameda County Sheriff's stood guard at several banks including California Bank and Trust and Chase Bank on Thomas L. Berkley Way until 12:30 am after they were hit hard by rioters. A mattress was set ablaze in a Sears window display, but was removed by firefighters before any more extensive damage was caused to the building. Protesters pelted police and their vehicles with bottles and M-1000 fireworks, and pushed dozens of flaming dumpsters into the streets to block traffic. City Administrator Dan Lindheim estimated that 30 businesses between 12th and 20th streets sustained looting, broken windows and doors, and graffiti.

BART reported no problems on their trains or in their stations, however the 12th Street and 19th Street stations were closed for the remainder of the night. AC Transit also reported their busses were running at full service and without incident, but had been diverted around downtown.

By 1:00 am Friday, a total of 78 arrests had been made. The Alameda County Sheriff's Department reported that only 19 of those arrested were Oakland residents, and 12 were from out of state. 66 of those arrested were booked and released for unlawful assembly, and the remaining 12 were booked at Alameda County Jail for a variety of felonies including violation of parole, rioting, arson, and possession of explosive devices.

Colby & Jaclyn Isaacson Wedding - Walnut Creek CA, May 2010

2010-07-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

Colby and Jaclyn Isaacson

Scott's Garden in downtown Walnut Creek

May 2010

Shannon's little princesses

2010-05-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

Shannon wanted spring portraits of her one and three year old daughters at the Presidio in San Francisco. With the city it's always a toss up whether the sun will peak out or not, and this morning it sure didn't. The girls were freezing but mom and dad jumped in and kept them smiling long enough to get some sweet portraits regardless! Thank goodness for my co-shooter Lisa, who is amazing with kids and really made this shoot happen. What a relief to have her in jams such as these!

My Favorite Little Family

2010-04-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

I have been photographing Alicia since I was in Photo 101 class using 35mm black and white film that I developed by hand in the school lab. Throughout college I used her pregnancies and family portraits for school projects and practice shoots. It's no wonder these three are my favorite subjects to photograph! Yesterday we met up at a park in Tracy, CA for some quick spring portraits of the girls, and as always, Alicia's munchkins were more than willing ham it up for the camera.

Engagement Shoot

2010-04-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Lisa and I had the pleasure of photographing Colby and Jaclyn last weekend at the Presidio in the Marina District of San Francisco. Despite the goosebumps and wind gusts, we all had a great time! Lisa and I will be photographing their wedding in Walnut Creek next month.

2010 thus far

2010-04-08T13:58:00.000-07:00

Perhaps a "hello" to the new year is long overdue considering we're now in the first week of April, but despite the steady stream of protesting emails from friends and followers, I haven't felt inspired to blog since Christmas. The jury is still out as to whether 2010 is going to bring more success than the trying year before it, but regardless, I have already found myself enjoying exciting new opportunities and friendships that easily outweigh the anxiety of a still failing job market.

In March I attended the Southwestern Photojournalism Conference in Fort Worth, Texas, as I have every spring for three years. This year was extra special since Esther Havens was invited to speak for the first time. Esther's message about the newly emerging genre of humanitarian photography became the central theme of the conference, and she something of a celebrity for the college students in attendance. I was so proud of her! If you haven't already begun following Esther's work on your own or through prior blog posts of mine, I encourage you to do so.

The most exciting new thing 2010 has brought into my life is a news writer position with YoProCo (Young Professional Connection), an online news source for young professionals set to launch at TechCrunch in New York City this May. The publication will also be a place where young professionals can follow the success of select peers who are emerging as industry leaders and innovative entrepreneurs.

I am one of many young journalists who was hurled into the news industry during a time of total upheaval. Newspapers are on their last leg, stock photography is no longer lucrative, and staff jobs have become few and far between as outlets rely more heavily on freelancers. I have blogged before about how we absolutely must view this season not as the devastation of news media but as a rebirthing that we are incredibly privileged to participate in. The best way to experience personal success in this industry is to jump on board with whatever innovations are going to become the standard of news media in the near future. I believe that the convergence of social networking, internet technology and traditional news media is the future of the industry.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Christmas

2009-12-23T21:25:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is officially upon us and Christmas is only one short day away. I always find myself feeling very conflicted during the holidays, torn in so many different directions as to what the best or right way to celebrate is.

Being an American in the year 2009 means celebrating the holidays by camping out in front of Target at 4am the day after Thanksgiving, only after having fingered through newspaper ads to find that they've got the best sale prices; by dropping an obscene amount of money in over-packed shopping malls while weaving through crowds of bargain hunting moms toting around screaming children; by spending countless hours hanging Christmas lights from rain gutters and scrutinizing Christmas trees in the Home Depot parking lot. Being raised Christian means erecting an inflatable nativity scene on the front lawn to ensure your neighbors know you're in on the "real" reason for the season, attending midnight mass on Christmas Eve and pretending it hasn't been exactly one year since you stood in a church, and by refusing to abbreviate with "Xmas" because you think it's a crying shame people are taking the Christ out of Christmas.

Last Sunday I decided to surprise my mom by showing up at church. My dad plays in the worship band so during half of the service my mom sits alone, and while I'm sure she doesn't mind, she always seems to appreciate when I'm there. I'm by no means a church goer, not because I'm not spiritual, but because… well that's a whole other blog. The point is, sitting through a Christmas service at a Baptist church was an awkward reminder of why exactly I'm not a church goer. The service started out with some familiar Christmas songs, which I always enjoy. It just feels good to spend a wintry Sunday morning there in the second pew singing "Oh Holy Night" next to my mother. It wasn't until the sermon started that I wished I wasn't in the second pew, because it meant everyone at the 11-o-clock service would know that the Warne's non-church-going daughter slipped out half way through the message and, oh dear, how rude that would be. I understood why the pastor was agitated about his kids being on "Holiday Break" instead of "Christmas Break," why he disliked being greeted with "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas," and why the multimedia of a manger scene touched him so deeply. I knew because I too used to feel that way. The only thing about that sermon that I couldn't just shrug off as "Christian culture" was when the pastor insinuated that the non-religious were trying to steal "their" holiday and take all of the "true" meaning out of it.

Most children would say that Christmas is about being good all year so Santa Clause will squeeze down your chimney and leave goodies under your tree. Most Christians would say that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, the fulfilling of God's promise to send His Son, our Savior, to Earth, and recognizing that God is with us. Most Americans would say Christmas is about shopping, baking, drinking, and enjoying the company of friends and family. So what is the true reason for the season and the purpose for such celebration? Perhaps they're all wrong.

December 25th was first celebrated as Brumalia by the ancient Greeks, a holiday dedicated to multiple solar deities. Brumalia was also observed by the Romans as a month-long celebration of Bacchus, a character in Greek mythology believed to incite ritual madness, drunkenness, and ecstasy. The early Christians, in an attempt to gain converts, allowed the holiday to be celebrated but turned the last day, December 25th, into Christmas, a day to celebrate the fulfilling of the prophecy of Christ. Over time other traditions were adopted and the holiday called Christmas became a globally celebrated season of trees, wreaths, lights, gifts, and of course, Santa Clause. Christmas trees are an adaptation of the pagan Roman practice of bringing evergreens indoors to celebrate winter solstice. Santa Clause originates from the reputation of Saint Nicholas, a 4th century Turkish bishop, who was a generous man with an affinity for children, and was often said to have performed miracles.

So are we to celebrate winter solstice? Most no longer believe in Greek mythology. Are we to celebrate the birth of Christ? It is widely accepted that Jesus was not actually born on December 25th. Not even early Christians recognized the day as his birthday, since at that time the observance of anyone's birth date was considered a frivolous and self-absorbed pagan practice. The only conclusion I can draw from all of this is that Christmas is whatever it means to you. It is the celebration of whatever warms your heart and fills you with festive cheer. I choose to celebrate American and Christian Christmas traditions not because I believe them to be true, but because they are my culture. My Christmas is taking the opportunity to buy gifts that show my loved ones they are a special part of my life, by enjoying delicious meals surrounded by friends and family, and by observing traditions that define the time and place in which I live.

The Adventure of Failure

2009-12-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

I have started and restarted this blog a dozen different ways attempting to draw from some analogy that would mask the more venerable and personal aspects of its origin. Screw the analogies. This blog entry is about the raw ugly hard part of life that I don't usually send off into cyberspace for fear that it will taint others' ability to view me in a strictly professional light. However, I honestly believe that the most precious thing we have to offer one another are our stories, because in doing so we can inspire, motivate or even provide accountability to those around us. So allow me to begin by saying 2009 was not my year.

If you had asked me at 21 what the next ten years of my life would look like I'd have told you that I was going to finish my degree, get a job as a photojournalist, travel the world, fall madly in love, and that the rest of my life would be a long string of momentous occasions. Because why the hell shouldn't it be? Here's the truth. Two men have loved me enough to marry me, and those same two men have cheated on me and left me. For five years I immersed myself in all things journalism only to spend two years working in a corporate cubicle before watching my career swirl down the drain before it had really even begun. There are days, today even, when I allow the doubt, the defeat and the resentment to creep in and take hold of my mind and my heart. There have been countless times in my life when the only thing that kept me pushing was knowing that there were people who cared what happened to me even when I didn't. Perhaps that's the trick to a good life; always surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and love you through the tough stuff.

So back to 2009... After a year and a half in my cubicle I had gotten stir crazy and was itching to go back to school. My company had an opening in Tempe, AZ and would help me pay for my MBA at Arizona State. I told myself that if I got that opening it was a sign - I was meant to go. So when I got it, I did. Perhaps I should have seen the red flags popping up when HR messed up my transfer paperwork, or when my car fell off a U-Haul trailer just shy of Palm Springs on the drive over. I tried to stay optimistic and just passed it off as clumsy luck. As my three months in AZ slowly crept by, I found myself dealing with endless HR problems, drama with my ex back in CA, and even went into kidney failure thanks to the triple-digit dry desert heat. I threw in the towel. I shoved as much of my belongings as would fit into my Ford Focus and abandoned the rest. I headed back to NorCal, but this time through Vegas because, hell, who wouldn't have needed a weekend in Vegas at that point. Upon arriving home I didn't even apply for unemployment because I couldn't imagine it taking longer than a couple weeks to start working again. Four months later I found myself caving in and accepting a job pushing papers in a small office for barely over minimum wage. I worked hard and learned quickly and my financial situation slowly began to get better, but only as my personal life once again fell to pieces.

I could easily end this entry there and wait patiently for your, "I'm so sorry!" and "Keep your chin up!" replies, but that's not the point of this entry at all. The point is that 2009 might have topped my list of disastrously disappointing years, but it has been jam packed with adventure.

I went to a rave in Mexico City and got drunk at a soccer bar with the locals. I attended my second Southwestern Photojournalism Conference in Dallas. I had an action packed road trip to Arizona. While I was there, I got to deepen my friendship with one of my dearest girlfriends and hung out with cousins who I grew up only visiting every couple years. I watched the sunset from the top of "A" Mountain and played volleyball in Lake Powell. I road tripped to Vegas... twice. I spent a weekend helping my college best friend pick out a couch for her new apartment three blocks from Venice Beach. I went to a fashion show with an old friend who didn't mind sharing a bottle of cheap wine in soup cups. And perhaps most incredible of all, I watched my nephews start preschool and was able to be around when they began using all sorts of smart words.

2009 can't have been a bad year, it was just a year full of the unexpected. The author of "Eat, Pray, Love" wrote about how agonizing her transition was from who she was before the one-year adventure that became that book and the woman that book allowed her to be. By being stripped of everything she had, including her financial security and her relationship, she found a new and better woman inside herself and began to thrive. I challenge you, I challenge myself - Let 2009 not be a year of brokenness but a year of refiner's fire that segways into a 2010 overflowing with blessings and success.

Does humanitarianism perpetuate poverty?

2009-09-22T21:31:00.001-07:00

A friend and I had a long and lively debate this evening about whether or not Western humanitarian aid is ultimately helpful or hurtful to developing nations and what role the government should play in foreign aid compared to charities. I admittedly approach this subject from a more heartfelt and emotional standpoint, having been actively involved in humanitarian work from early childhood. This friend is also well traveled and has been living and working in a developing nation for the past several years, however he has very different thoughts on how Western involvement in developing nations should be carried out.

The conversation was sparked by my forwarding of a promotional email from a non-profit organization. My reasoning for including this friend on the forward was not so much that I expected him to donate as that being a photography enthusiast I assumed he would enjoy the photographs, which were taken by another friend of mine who we've spoken about in the past.

My friend promptly refuted my support of this non-profit's work by giving historical context to the inability of Western charity to contribute toward a lasting betterment of developing nations. I defended that there is more to charity than solving global issues; there is the meeting of basic human needs be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. I was enraged that this friend dared attribute my compassion for these peoples' livelihood to propaganda for a flawed and ultimately damaging practice. It took some time for us to both set aside emotion and talk facts.

We agreed that if humanitarian efforts met only the physical needs of the people and did not address the overlaying issue of government corruption that the government would never assume a sense of responsibility for meeting its people's needs, and that the people would grow complacent and not be motivated to rise up and force their government to do so. We did not agree on how Western nations should alter their approach to this situation.

The United States government is selective about which countries and which types of conflicts it will become involved in. Africa is, as a continent, rather abandoned by government intervention from the US. It is my opinion that the US does not involve itself in African coups and civil wars because there is no African nation capable of being a militaristic threat to it and most of the commerce between African countries and the US can be met otherwise. Unrest in parts of Europe, Asia and the Middle East, on the other hand, is of concern to the US because there stands a greater threat. It was not directly stated, although I can fairly assume that my friend would agree that the US justifiably must consider its own physical and monetary well being when approaching any foreign conflict. However, where we part ways is in our views as to the balance between political and humanitarian motivation for Western intervention.

My friend stated that the best way to dissolve a dictatorship is to politically endorse and finance a new and better leader. I strongly disagree. I simply cannot imagine a way in which the American people would be able to agree upon a way to carry out such a policy, and should the US government do so without consulting its people, there would be widespread outrage. Not to mention that this theory entirely neglects to address the very grim probability of the new leader being any less corrupt than the last. A man who has not been shown compassion does not know how to be compassionate. A man who rises up solely out of selfish ambition will address his political office as a self-seeking leader. In order for a political figure to effect positive socioeconomic change in his country he must first understand what the needs are and have a genuine desire to meet them.

There is no quick or simple answer, but I will definitely continue researching and trying to gain a more inclusive understanding of the issue. I'll probably revisit and rewrite this blog entry several times as I gain new perspective.

Confrontation and Standards

2009-08-18T23:17:00.000-07:00

This conversation happened via Facebook a while back and the more I thought about it the more I felt inclined to post it. One thing that really bothers me is when people confront others about their perceived lack of moral standards without first giving their own standards some thorough analysis. Why do I believe this? Where did I get this from? Is it something subjective that I've chosen for myself but might not necessarily apply to everyone else? Am I even in a position to genuinely confront this person?

Hopefully I opened up this former roommate's eyes a bit, especially considering she hasn't seen and and has hardly spoken with me in eight years.

(HER FIRST EMAIL) "Hey Kimberly, So I know that I am not there to tell you this to your face but you know me and you know that i would if i could, so I will just do the next best thing and send you a message about this. Eph. 4:31 "Let all...evil speaking be put away from you.." It is so weird to see cursing in your messages to people, like about you being someone's b-word. What is that??? I am not judging you...I love you and I am just holding you to a higher standard like we were taught to live. Those years at TM were not a waste of time...they were years that should affect us and change us for a lifetime. I hope that I don't offend you b/c that is not my intention at all. I just want to see the beautiful woman you are on the outside shine even brighter b/c of the Jesus who lives on the inside. Talk to you later Kimberly."

(MY RESPONSE) "The only 'bad' word specifically identified in the Bible is using His name in vain. Outside of that, words that are identified as 'bad' are based on societal standards, which shift based on the time and the place and even one's social status. For example, I will only rarely use the 'F-Word,' however my dad would be deeply offended for me to even use the word 'crap' in front of him. And I'm assuming 'crap' isn't a word that you would generally take offense to even though my dad would scold you for having a wicked tongue at the word's usage. So allow me to give you some accountability. Who are you to decide what language is appropriate and good for me? Do no allow yourself to become a Bible brandishing zealot who boasts of their purity to others and expects their own personal standards, set merely by you and those around you, to be applied to the rest of society. I am fully aware of and comfortable with the situational appropriateness of the words that I choose."

(HER RESPONSE) "Wow! That is one thing I have always loved about you Kimberly! You know what your convictions are and don't let anyone sway you. I respect that. Your message is definitely causing me to think because I really cannot combat anything that you wrote. You are right that crap is not a bad word to me but it is to some people in my church to be exact. I was also thinking...I use the word whore and it is not a bad word to me but the first time I said it in front of my mother-in-law I got a strange look. Yeah oops. I guess it is a bad word to some people. Thank you for speaking your mind and for writing me back about it. It shows that our friendship is still there and that we can agree to disagree without being offended. I love you girl. Talk to you later."

Hecho en Columbia

2009-07-23T19:08:00.001-07:00

Kathy is a Columbian native living in Las Vegas, where I met her last month. When she asked me to return to take some photos of her I was more than glad to! She is an unemployed graphic designer who has taken up promotional modeling on "the strip" while riding out the economic slump.

Gender and Purpose

2009-06-24T15:58:00.000-07:00

Last weekend a friend and I were discussing our views on relationships, marriage, and life in general. We agreed that most of our friends had become single parents or entered into unhappy marriages. We speculated the "whys," trying to sort out the reasons behind the difference between the path our friends had taken and those we had taken.

Does it not defy our culture of the American Dream for us to be in our mid-20's and unmarried? To not have roots anywhere or a long term commitment to anything or anyone? This friend and I are both self-proclaimed adventurists with insatiable wanderlust. If asked to choose between domesticity and globe trotting, we would both choose the latter in a heart beat. This caused me to start analyzing what other factors outside of an obsession with travel and culture could be contributors to this lack of interest in the "American Dream." I decided that, at least in my case, there are two major factors.

The first goes hand in hand with wanderlust. It is one's world view. Why do I have a lack of interest in domesticity? Because I have seen enough of the world to know there is so much more yet to be discovered. Why do I not care about having a formal wedding and a status affirming diamond ring? Because I know how far $30,000 can go in in the pocket of a globe trotter, and because I have seen the devastating affects of the diamond industry on the developing nations where those stones originate. Why do I not care about having my own children? Because I have worked in orphanages where multitudes of abandoned children waste away discarded and abused. My world view is more broad than that of someone who has been raised to believe the world is only as big as their suburban town, and that their value goes only as far as their ability to become an integral part of that town.

The second factor and the one I want to focus more on in this blog has to do with my perceived lacking of "real men." I don't subscribe to the rational of blaming men in general or society as a whole for the struggles that my generation of women face; although I do believe that understanding the current condition of these things sheds light on the tug of war inside our heads and hearts. If society places a strong feminist emphasis on the equality of genders and the dissolving of "traditional" gender roles, we cannot be surprised to find a generation of emasculated young men stripped of their fight. Men are designed to have a warrior's heart and an adventurer's spirit, but when they embrace these things they are chastised for their machismo. My generation of women were taught that they shouldn't be dependant on men. In turn, our generation of men have realized that women don't need them. These men have begun to believe that unless they allow women to "wear the pants," they'll be trampled and lost. They sacrifice their masculinity in order to simply be kept around. I realize how controversial this is but I'm going to say it anyway - Feminism has deflated real men. But what we need are real men.

If a man doesn't know how to be masculine he will never walk with purpose. If a woman doesn't know how to be feminine she will never be satisfied. "A man needs to be tender at times, and a woman will sometimes need to be fierce. But if a man is only tender, we know something is deeply wrong, and if a woman is only fierce, we sense she is not what she was meant to be." – John Eldredge in Wild at Heart. Before a man or a woman decides who they want, they need to discover who they are. They need to be whole people in and of themselves with a sense of direction as to what they were created for, and then trust that IF they are meant to get married and have children then as they walk out their purpose those two seemingly polar opposites will align in way that works uniquely for them.

Not everyone believes in destiny or callings. I believe that these things are not only real but that their acceptance is an integral part of our ability to thrive. Some of our passions in life are more than fleeting interests; they are a part of our purpose and should not be cast aside for the sake of practicality or fitting the mold. I have often been told that my wanderlust is merely a subconscious aversion to commitment and that someday I'll deal with my "issues" and decide to settle down. However, I know that my wanderlust is a part of my being and cannot be ignored or stifled or treated because doing so would strip me of my purpose.

So where is the balance? I am a 25-year-old, educated, financially independent, single woman. I cannot live each day husband hunting any more than a woman who yearns for motherhood can live each day denying her calling to that. We cannot merely want what we are taught to want, or be the sort we are told to be. The focus should not be on finding someone to make us happy, but on finding happiness in being, and trusting that by walking down our own paths the rest will fall into place without any compromise or extraneous effort on our part.

Amber's Maternity Photos

2009-06-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

Amber is 7 months preggo with baby Presley!

Here are some photos I took of her last weekend while I was in the Bay Area.

The Decor of Sanity

2009-05-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

As a college freshman living in my parents' home, I turned my bedroom into a "Tahitian bungalow" complete with bamboo ceiling. My college dorm room was shared, but it was very clear where the boundary was. My roommate had mismatched bedding, pig shaped lights strung over the window, and mounds of books and paperwork strewn across her desk. I had an alphabetized book shelf at the foot of my Tommy Hilfiger bed and two paper lamps hanging over a tidy desk where even the pen holder matched my color scheme. I have moved literally 18 times since I graduated from high school in 2000, and yet even when all my belongings could fit into my Ford Focus, I always managed to squeeze some style in the back seat. My current must have item regardless of the move is a large mirror with the most amazing vintage gold frame, which has hung in a bathroom, over a dresser, and leaned against several bedroom walls.

My mother may not have taught me about makeup or dating, but she definitely instilled in me an appreciation for keeping a neat home, or usually in my case a space, that is always "guest ready." When I come home it isn't to a space that looks as chaotic and disconnected as my mind often feels. There is an order to things, both in life and in the home, and they are meant to reflect one another. While my mother and I have very different tastes in decor, I think we are both good at creating spaces that are functional and appealing.

This standard often causes extreme tension in my shared space. The only thing worse than coming home to your own mess is coming home to someone else's, be it shoes in the hallway, mail strewn across the kitchen counter, knickknacks on the coffee table, or pet hair caked on the couch pillows. I haven't decided yet if God insists on keeping me at a roommate necessary standard of living to break me of my OCD or if he's just gets a kick out of watching me have mini-meltdowns every time I find my toothbrush holder sitting at the wrong angle on the counter. Either way, I greatly anticipate someday entering a life season in which I can have a place, modest as it may be, where I can create a Zen untouched by less acute sensibilities. I dream of lazy overcast mornings curled up in a breakfast nook with a newspaper in hand, Elis Regina streaming on Pandora, and the delicate scent of freshly cut stargazers competing with that of the steam rising off my French press. I don't care much where you place that scene... In a San Francisco Victorian, in an Ann Arbor loft, in a Cape Town flat... As long as there's a good man strolling sleepily into the kitchen after me, and a genuine anticipation for the job I'll head to a short while later.

On a lighter note! I'll share with you some of my favorite places to score decor bargains! Of course my favorite items are ones I've accumulated through my travels, but there are countless places to find unique pieces locally while shopping on a minimal budget. When I'm in designer discounter stores like TJ Max, Marshall's, Ross, or Nordstrom Rack, I always keep an eye on the clearance racks where I have scored $1 bathroom counter accessories, $5 towel sets, and $20 bedding. Pass up those outrageously priced vintage drawer knobs at Anthropologie and find yourself an estate sale! As tacky as it may sound to some, garage sales are a fun way to find beautiful pieces for pennies. Of course, there is Ikea, where European inspired minimalism descends upon broke college kids and frugal self-decorators alike. I also recommend Z Gallerie for their affordable and trendy decor that carries enough variety to satisfy all tastes and avoids the stigma of having "that Ikea stuff."

Prop 8 Upheld

2009-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the California Supreme Court ruled that the state would uphold Proposition 8, banning same-sex marriage. However, the court did decide to legally recognize the 18,000 marriages that were authorized between the court's pro same-sex marriage ruling in May 2008 and the November passing of Prop 8.

Protesters gathered outside San Francisco's City Hall shouting "Shame on you!" and 162 arrests were made. Even larger gatherings were reported in Los Angeles and San Diego.

According to the court's only Democratic appointee Justice Carlos Moreno, the decision "is not just a defeat for same-sex couples, but for any minority group that seeks the protection of the equal protection clause of the California Constitution." I should expect that Moreno is well versed in the rights that are in place for the protection and equality of the LGBT community, and should be aware that they in many ways exceed the rights of straight couples who want to live together outside of a legalized marriage. Most companies now include a clause in their insurance policies allowing same-sex couples to add their life partner to their coverage, a benefit that is not usually extended to non-married straight couples.

In November, Prop 8 was about gay marriage. Today, Prop 8 is about the will of the people being upheld. This is democracy! The people vote and their decision is respected and enforced by the government! The passing of Prop 8 does not inhibit anyone's right to the American "pursuit of happiness" or strip them of the ability to find employment, housing, and health care. It doesn't even ban them from having wedding ceremonies, living together, or raising children.

California, and more specifically San Francisco, has been a front runner in the progression of LGBT causes over the last 30 years, including the securing of equal employment and housing opportunities, and the rallying of support for the fight against AIDS. It is inevitable that eventually same-sex marriage will be legalized and, in my opinion, the sooner that the cause is approached in a professional and strategic manner the sooner conservatives will become receptive to it. Not everyone is moved by masses of drag queens chanting into megaphones and waving cardboard signs. Lawmaking happens in a three-piece suit.

Four Murdered OPD Officers

2009-03-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon four Oakland police offers were murdered at the corner of 74th Street and MacArthur Boulevard in East Oakland while attempting to subdue a parolee.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several TV news stations lined up in front of the OPD administrative offices.

Flags flew half staff in memory of the officers.

An officer gazes out the front door of the apartment building on 74th where two of the officers were fatally shot.

A mother and daughter who witnessed the aftermath of the murders hanging a flag outside the apartment building where two officers were shot, as an officer looks on from the doorway.

View of the apartment building on 74th from the corner of 74th and MacArthur.

When I arrived at 2:00pm only one neighbor was brave enough to stand in support of the fallen officers. Dozens of vehicles passed shouting obscenities, celebrating the killing of police, and shaming the elderly black woman for being a "traitor."

The neighbor woman and I arranging flowers on the corner of 74th and MacArthur. (Photo by Christopher Salas)

The surprisingly barren corner of 74th and MacArthur.

Mexico

2009-03-18T23:05:00.001-07:00

I spent a few days in Mexico City to visit an old friend, attend a music festival, and check out some of the little surrounding towns. I'm in love with Mexico City! And can't wait to go back.

Jury Duty

2009-03-03T19:13:00.000-08:00

Today I had the rather unique experience of going through the jury selection process for a criminal trial. The defendant was being tried for drunk in public and resisting arrest. During the course of his arrest, in which multiple officers were involved, the defendant allegedly became violent with the officers and a tazer gun was used to subdue him. The defendant was also suspected of gang affiliation.

Because I am still registered at my parents’ address in Tracy, I had to serve jury duty at the Stockton courthouse. I wasn’t all too happy about doing the extra driving, but knowing I had dibs on my parents’ couch and that my office would pay me for up to twenty days of trial, I was fairly excited to participate in the civil process. However, by the time I was dismissed this afternoon, I was rather disappointed by the experience.

The defendant, his defense lawyer, and the prosecuting lawyer were all present for the entire jury selection process. I was among the first dozen randomly selected persons asked to be seated in the jury box for questioning, and remained there until the very last round of dismissals. Every time a new person is moved into the tentative jury, they are asked to respond to a set of general personal questions, including what is your name, where are you from, what is your profession, do you personally know anyone in law enforcement or in the DA’s office, have you served on a jury before, and so on. I must have given satisfactory enough answers for both sides because I was asked relatively few questions throughout the rest of the interview process.

Toward the end of the day I began to assume that I would be on the jury, which I didn’t mind since the judge had already informed us that the trial would be finished by week’s end. Initially our group had been intended for selection for a child molestation case, which would have lasted much longer, but new evidence had been admitted, delaying the trial’s start until next Monday. My case was to be a misdemeanor filler until the other case was ready for jury selection.

I was curious about our case, ready to see the evidence and hear the testimonies. I was beginning to get excited about participating on a jury and having the opportunity to take an active role in the judicial process. It was no surprise when the man who had been charged a few years earlier of accessory to murder was dismissed, or the woman who outright admitted that she could not be fair in a case with charges so similar to one her son was facing the following week. There were a few others who were clearly saying whatever they could think up that might get them dismissed for bias or inability to “fairly” judge the defendant. I felt like I was different. I had never been arrested, never gone to court, never known anyone to face the same charges, had no harbored hatred toward lawyers or law enforcement. I understand the value and purpose of jury selection, and am conscious of how significant it is that I, as a woman, am allowed to participate, when not so long ago only Caucasian property-owning men were permitted.

It wasn’t until the defense attorney questioned my views about the limits of law enforcement that my seat was scrutinized. I still stand by my answers; they were simply not what the defense wanted to hear. When the lawyer asked whether I thought it was okay for multiple officers to arrest one person, or if it should always be one on one, I responded that if more than one officer was needed to subdue a person then yes it would be an appropriate means of force. When asked whether I thought there was ever a time when it was okay for an officer to use a tazer, I responded that under some circumstances I could see where a tazer would be necessary. From that point it was clear that the lawyer was done with me, and when he was asked to eliminate one last juror, there I sat in chair number 12 with a big red bulls eye on my forehead.

I quickly gathered my belongings and left the courtroom, rode the elevator to the basement and turned in my badge, validated my parking, and headed home. I felt like a cheap date. Like I had done everything right and was discarded for having done just that. There were several people who the lawyers questioned at length, people who could hardly form an intelligible sentence in response, and admittedly knew nothing of the laws that pertained to the case in question. How, I wondered, could these people be more able to decide this case? Sure, this was a rather minor infraction with relatively low consequence to the defendant, but what if we had gotten that child abuse case. Would these same people be selected to apply their awkward personalities and socially inept presence toward making a decision that affected people’s lives in such a huge way?

The judge repeatedly mentioned that a jury had to remember that their decision wasn’t a popularity contest; it was to be based solely on the facts. Why does that same reasoning not apply to jury selection? The judge dismisses those who are most blatantly not willing or able to participate, but then it is up to the lawyers to take turns questioning and dismissing those who they don’t want on the jury. Had the lawyers mistaken a lack of general intelligence for neutrality? Probably not. One can only assume that each lawyer will make selections that they believe are most likely to benefit their side. But if that is the case, where is the justice in such a trial? It’s like childhood kickball in the park, with each team captain selecting the players they think will be of most use to them, rather than selecting in the interest of who will create the most fair and balanced athletic experience for the game as a whole. Sure, in sports that’s not how it works. But in court, isn’t that hypothetically how it IS supposed to work?

And so as it is, I will not be juror number 12. Why? Because I believe that it is the right of law enforcement to use the force we as a society have bestowed upon them, even though I do support the reasoning that some officers may abuse that force, and also that it is the defendant’s right to pursue legal accountability for the officers he has drawn into question. Rather than being dismissed from jury selection feeling proud to have participated in a legal process that our nation boasts as a central function of its democracy, I am coming away feeling disheartened by an experience which has made me acutely aware of how at the end of the day even the “due process” of “justice” is merely bureaucracy.

SWPJC 2009

2009-03-02T13:59:00.000-08:00

This was my second year attending SWPJC, and while it was different from last year and even different from what I had expected this year would be, I am so glad that I went. I initially anticipated spending the weekend with my dear friend Esther and hearing a photojournalism great, James Nachtwey, present some of his work and talk about his career. However, Esther took a last minute assignment with Charity Water in the Central African Republic, and Nachtwey was assigned to cover the conflict in Gaza. While these were both very disappointing changes, I knew that there would still be priceless networking, relationship building, and industry discussion going on.

Toward the end of the weekend, two friends and I were discussing what each of us was walking away from the conference with this year. I couldn't say that I had learned any new skills or heard anything mind-blowingly new. What I took away from the conference was a renewed faith in the work that we as journalists are pursuing regardless of whether we are industry employed or not, and much needed face-to-face time with like-minded friends who's passion and faith are inspiring and refreshing.

I am the first to point out my number one character flaw... I'm a total control freak. Honestly, read my last blog. It's never enough for me to know that things will always work out as they were intended to, which they always do, but I have an extremely difficult time slowing down and enjoying life. When I can't see any open doors, when I feel like all my hard work leads nowhere, I get overwhelmed and discouraged. This weekend I was able to step outside of my routine and gain some much needed perspective. Has God ever let me fall flat on my face and left me there alone? Not once. The problem is always me. Me not letting go, me not seeing the glass half full, me not accepting that my plans and my ways are not always what was designed.

For all my frustration with my career, I need to accept that one of my professional strengths is in administration, and I am blessed with the opportunity to be refining that strength in my current role. If I do everything within my power to get transferred to the Phoenix office and it simple doesn't work out, I am not meant to be there. If I have a desire to further my education so that I am more able to pursue the things I know I am called to do with my life, I have to trust that when I am walking down the path that is meant for me, opportunities will arise when the timing is right.

Call me silly, but anyone who dines with me very often knows I take my fortune cookies seriously! Yesterday my fortune cookie said, "You will make many changes before settling down happily." Even though Keegan cracked his cookie first, which technically voids my fortune, I brought it home and put it next to the one I got while back that says, "You have a charming way with words and should write a book."

I have no reason to not be happy. I have no reason to not feel fulfilled. I have no reason to not wake up and joyfully welcome whatever each day brings. I am blessed, and I am loved, and that should be more than enough.

Employment Rant

2009-02-25T19:55:00.000-08:00

I've blogged about it many times, you've all heard me rant, but here it is again... Yah, sure, I know the economy isn't doing well and there's an alarmingly high unemployment rate, but when I look on the job boards I see plenty of listings. I apply for plenty of those listings.

Obama just got done preachin' on about how we as a nation need to be pursuing higher education. Well, Obama, here I am desperate to get to Phoenix so I can start my MBA at ASU, but I can't get a job there to save my life! Last month there were five openings at my company's Phoenix office that I knew I was more than qualified for, and now it is down to one. Two that have already been filled did call me back, were interested in my resume, but went to other applicants who had more "applicable" employment experience. Now I'm not talking about I.T. jobs or anything like that where special skills are required... I'm talking about admin jobs. I'm talking about keeping calendars and files for some exec at a level important enough to get a window of his very own.

If at 18 I successfully completed a year of living in a tour bus traveling around the nation as the assistant manager of a multimillion dollar merchandising company, I think I can answer a multi-line phone. If I can organize logistics for summers of romping about third world countries, I think I can keep a calendar in Outlook. I have been with my company for a year and a half and have proven to be extremely competent both professionally and intellectually. Yet again I find myself wanting to stand up in my cube and scream "For the love of God, people! I have a Bachelor's Degree!"

I would estimate that around half of the people doing my job at my company have their BA. Therefore, I am not using my BA, because clearly it holds no baring on whether or not the company will employ me. Because I am still one of the newer employees in my department, and because pay increases are being withheld this year, I make just enough to have an acceptable standard of living and pay all of my bills... including the one for my last year of that useless BA. I'm sure you can understand my frustration at the fact that I rent a room in Oakland so that I can pay my student loans, while many of my twenty-something coworkers live at home with their parents not paying rent or loans, thus having a much more comfortable standard of living. Clearly, I need my MBA. Being only one academic level above these people is obviously not doing a damn thing for my career.

Okay I'm done ranting. That was likely one of the least eloquent pieces of writing I've ever done, but I had to get it out. I'm telling you right now... Someday when those people who were more "qualified" to order pens from staples.com are still doing just that, I'm going to be a tremendously successful and highly educated professional with every right to the phrase "I told you so."

25

2009-02-21T23:45:00.000-08:00

I've decided that adapting to "adult" life and single life simultaneously is one of the more awkward transitions I've been through yet. When I was younger, being newly single meant belligerent nights downtown with my girlfriends, bonding in our mutual man-hating, and barfing away our sorrows in the wee after-hours. I like to think I've done a lot of maturing and soul searching in the last couple of years, enough so that at 25 being newly single means nights of curling up on the couch with a glass of Mondavi Chardonnay and watching romantic comedies solo is not only acceptable but enjoyable.

It's a difficult thing to explain to people who aren't at that same place, and I don't say that in a condescending way toward myself nor the "others" insinuated. We all take different paths, thus passing through different stages in our own time and way. For me, 25 has so far been a season of enlightenment, and not always the freeing kind so much as the potentially depressing sort. It has been the acceptance of realities, such as that my career path no longer exists and that the people who have been an integral part of my life for all my life are as flawed as I am.

I ran away to Bali for the week of my 25th birthday, not previously calculating that in Bali my birthday would arrive a day sooner. I suppose the irony was appropriate. During my 22-hour layover in Hong Kong on my way home from that trip, I spent a great deal of time sorting out life frustrations through my journal. I had just finished reading a book called "Eat Pray Love" which, thanks to Oprah, has become a top seller. It is an autobiography of one woman's journey through a year of post-divorce soul searching. I remember feeling like I could be that woman, middle-aged and miserable even though she had all of the conventional pleasures lined up for her, including a beautiful home and husband, and a solid writing career. I remember feeling compelled to continue pursuing my passions, despite the speculation that even I had for myself after a decade of dabbling with no promising leads.

I can't say that in this moment I feel the same intense determination to faithfully wage on in those pursuits, but that inferno has not been extinguished so much as tended, evolving into a steady determination to simply be myself. I'm still figuring out day by day who "myself" is. But one of my most refreshing realizations at 25 has been that there's no shame in not knowing. In fact, there should be some level of pride in the ability to honestly and openly accept that life is a constant journey during which we are shaped and molded and forged into the best "me" that can exist.

What do I know about myself? I know that from early childhood I have had a fascination with the world. I know that for the last decade I have been passionately pursuing the use of journalism and photography as a means to expose the western world to the issues and needs of developing nations. I know that I have friends and family who absolutely love and support me as much as I do them, and have grown to value those relationships in a deeper way. I know that regardless of the roadblocks that I encounter I will more than survive, I will thrive, because a woman walking out her destiny is more powerful than any failing economy and stronger than the locks on the doors that have slammed in her face.

It doesn't matter what my past has held, and it doesn't matter if a man doesn't hold my near future. There are too many opportunities for lived experiences laying ahead to focus on the rear view mirror. Life is before us.

Orion on the Economy

2009-02-10T21:39:00.000-08:00

Economic crisis according to my four-year-old nephew:

Orion: "Auntie, I got fired!"

Me: "Oh no! From where?"

Orion: "From over there by the lego box!"

Me: "What happened?"

Orion: "Well I don't know, there was a big fire all over the place!"

Ok so maybe he doesn't quite grasp the concept, but I was impressed none-the-less.

Warm Wispers

2009-01-21T20:46:00.000-08:00

It's driving through the countryside on a warm summer night with your arm out the window and soulful acoustic music blaring. It's sitting on a dew soaked hillside in South Africa as the sun peaks into view, the crisp breeze turning your cheeks pink from the chill. It's free falling from an airplane at thirteen thousand feet and closing your eyes because you don't care about the view, you just want those weightless sixty seconds when for once the world isn't falling down on you, but you're charging at it with every ounce of your being.

I don't know if the feeling is the same for everyone, or if we all experience it differently. But for me it's that moment when you know in your soul that there is something right in the world. When your fickle friends and your difficult family and your frustrating career can't touch you, because you, in that moment, are at peace. In that moment you are filled with the realization of the wonder that is around you and the strength that you have by embracing rather than rejecting it.

Missy Higgins - "Your warm whispers, out of the dark they carry my heart. Your warm whispers, into the dawn they carry me through. I'm weeping for honey and milk yet you stay surrounding me. Your warm whispers, letting me drown in a pool of you. Your warm whispers, keeping the noise from breaking through."

Inauguration

2009-01-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

While Esther was watching the inauguration from a castle in Ethiopia and Aaron was shivering out on the Mall in Washington DC, I was sitting my office's auditorium watching CNN's coverage. I had considered calling in sick to join the masses in San Francisco's Civic Center, but decided against it. I was feeling rather pathetic for allowing such a momentous day to pass just like any other weekday, but I suppose in the end it didn't matter where I watched it, so long as I did. Obama is no Jesus, but he is a glimpse of hope for our generation. I'm excited to see what he does with the opportunity, trust, and support that he has been given by our nation.

iPhone pic of the auditorium during Obama's speech on CNN

Obama cookies!

Alicia, Me, Lamba

Gold-Digger vs. Career Woman

2009-01-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

I was having a conversation with a friend today and in the process of trying to outline my parameters for when and how I'd like to go about settling down with a husband and a family, I made myself sound, in his opinion, like a "gold-digger." Of course my friend, being an affluent man, was terribly offended by the suggestion that I wouldn't want to get married unless the guy had a decent career going and we were able to have kids without it being a financial burden. I attempted to back petal and redefine, but when the conversation ended I could tell that he was still stuck on my initial statement.

I felt awful about the entire thing because I am absolutely supportive women educating themselves and having self-sustaining careers. I got my degree, I make my own money and pay my own bills, and I pursue my passions in photography and travel. Never have I expected to sit back and wait for a wealthy man to leech off of. I am in a position where I am not married, I don't have kids, I have very few roots or ties holding me in to my current position, and I have the education and skill set to build a life for myself outside of a man if I choose to do so. Why is it such an absurd thing to say that if and when I get married I would expect that man to have a career and be fiscally responsible? That I would expect him to be able to provide a life full of opportunities rather than struggles for his family?

When people say "I'd rather be poor and happy than wealthy and miserable," I think it's an unfair assumption that there are only two options. It is entirely reasonable for a woman to believe that she can find a man who she's head over heels in love with and wants to settle down and start a family with, who has in his single life displayed passion and ambition that has maneuvered him into a financial situation where he is able to sustain a comfortable lifestyle for his family. Gold-diggers are lazy, selfish, and greedy. Career women are ambitious, driven, and goal oriented. I have the ability to ensure that when I go into the wife and mother seasons of my life I will enter them set up for success.

Oakland Riots - Photos

2009-01-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

Shortly after sundown yesterday a large group of protesters marched down International from the Fruitvale BART station, where Oscar Grant was shot last week, to the Lake Merritt BART station. It was there that the protest quickly escalated into a riot.

The first police vehicle to arrive was overcome by the protesters. One man threw a rock through the windshield, a dozen others jumped on the hood and rocked the vehicle in a failed attempt to overturn it. A dumpster was set ablaze and pushed into the front of the vehicle.

As riot police responded they were pelted with glass bottles and other debris. Tear gas was fired into the mob, forcing them to disperse. Many fled into Chinatown to regroup less than thirty minutes later near City Hall, leaving in their wake overturned garbage cans and newspaper stands.

The largest stand-off of the night occurred near the intersection of 14th and Webster. Riot police surrounded the mob on three sides. Dozens of police vehicles blocked traffic and attempted to hold off protesters trying to join the mob.

While some protesters shouted, "There is no looting going on, we're just mad!" others continued to throw newspaper stands into the street, set garbage cans on fire, and smash in windshields and store fronts. Several protesters laid down in front of the police lines, mimicking the position Grant was in when he was shot, on their bellies with their hands behind their backs.

An unmarked police vehicle approached one side of the intersection, and the driver could be heard over a megaphone beginning a ten minute countdown demanding that the rioters disperse. The mob only grew in number and intensity. As the riot police closed in, many protesters ran down 14th street. Others attempted to stand their ground but were forced backward with hard shoves and billy club jabs. When police attempted to grab noncompliant protesters there was a scramble, and several people were trampled. At least two members of the media were attacked by rioters. A cameraman from channel 7 news had his camera broken and was reportedly bleeding from the head. A cameraman from channel 5 news was punched in the chest and was experiencing difficulty breathing.

Reporter Ken Epstein of the Oakland Post was in his 12th story office writing a story about the injustice of Grant's death when he heard commotion on the street and looked down to see his own vehicle engulfed in flames. He stated that while it was disappointing to see such a thing occur, he understood the anger being expressed by the protesters.

Once things settled down Mayor Dellums came out of city hall and walked a few blocks with a large crowd of protesters and media, answering questions and urging them to stand down and end the violence.

A small news conference was held by officer Jeff Thomason at the Oakland Police Department's administrative offices. He stated that as of 9:30pm only 15 arrests had been made, 14 adults and one minor, for charges including assault on an officer, vandalism, and failure to disperse.

Shortly after the press conference protesters began to riot once again in front of City Hall's doors and police appeared to change strategies, arresting dozens more rather than continuing to disperse the crowds.

Oakland Riots

2009-01-08T00:12:00.000-08:00

I will write an actual article about this later but while it's fresh in my mind I want to jot down the more personal side of this evening for you...

I pulled up to my house in Oakland shortly after 5pm. It wasn't until I stepped out of the car that I began to notice there were half a dozen helicopters circling directly above. Not believing there could be so many traffic choppers flying for the 5-o-clock news hour, I called Christopher and asked him to turn on the news and find out what was going on. He said there was a protest at the Fruitvale BART. I stifled my initial impulse to grab my camera and head over, since it was only a mile away, and headed inside instead. I set down my purse and slipped off my coat, fully intending to settle in for the evening, but as I reached into the closet to put away my coat I saw my camera bag sitting on the floor. Knowing I would later regret not checking things out for myself, I grabbed out my camera, flash, my Zoom audio recorder, and some extra AA batteries. After changing into jeans and a hoodie I headed back to my car and called my good friend Joe Vasquez, a reporter at CBS 5 News in San Francisco. Joe told me there had been a gathering outside the Fruitvale BART protesting the death of a young man who was shot by a BART police officer at that station only a few days ago. The crowds were marching down International toward the Lake Merritt BART, and he suggested I meet up there.

Using the GPS in my IPhone I managed to find my way to the Lake Merritt BART parking lot shortly after dusk. I considered parking on the street to avoid a parking ticket but crossed my fingers for luck, parked, and made my way to the corner where I saw a CBS 5 News van. Inside was photographer named Robert who I'd met while he was doing a story about gift cards a couple months ago in San Francisco. I reintroduced myself and told him I was looking for Joe. Robert told me Joe had arrived with Patrick, another photographer, but said it would be fine for me to tag along until we found them. I pulled out my audio recorder and camera and began gathering some initial clips of the the crowd chanting and marching.

Within a few minutes we located Joe, just in time to watch the crowd turn into a mob as the first police vehicle arrived. The car drove into the middle of the intersection but had little time to act as dozens of protesters began jumping on the car, bashing in the windows, and rocking the car in a failed attempt to overturn it. A dumpster was set ablaze a few feet away. Riot police who had begun gathering prior to the incident rushed in to control the rioters. Tear gas was fired into the crowd in response to glass bottles and other debris being thrown at their lineup. As the police closed in the mob dispersed.

We followed the larger group several blocks toward city hall and waited to see what would happen next. Fifteen minutes later I began to see police units heading around to the far side of the block where we stood, and a chopper's spotlight was aimed the same direction. We ran toward the reassembling mob and began filming. They made their way down 14th street leaving behind a trail of overturned garbage cans, some set ablaze. Broken glass littered the streets, and through Chinatown boxes of vegetables set out for the garbage had been thrown around the street and on top of police cars.

An estimated 150 riot police gradually surrounded the mob until they were surrounded on three sides of an intersection. Several protesters lay on the ground in front of the police lines mimicking the position Grant was in when he was shot; laying on their bellies with their hands behind their backs. An unmarked police vehicle approached the intersection and over a bull horn the driver was heard beginning a ten minute countdown by the end of which protesters would be forcefully removed. Despite the police's attempts to hold off additional protesters hoping to enter the intersection, the mob continued to grow in size and intensity. A dozen photographers, videographers, and reporters remained inside the intersection, attempting to remain close to the action.

At the end of the ten minute count down the lines of riot police in full gear began to close in on all three sides. A vehicle resembling a cross between a tank and armored truck entered the intersection with a dozen officers hanging off the sides. Many protesters attempted to hold their ground, but were forced backward by hard shoves and billy club jabs to the chest. As the police closed in the crowd became violent once again, throwing debris and setting more garbage cans on fire. They jumped on the civilian vehicles lining the street, bashing in windshields and denting hoods. At one point a few of the offers charged at the mob near us and we may have been trampled if not for being pressed up against a store wall. A vehicle exploded into flames a dozen feet away. I could not raise my arms to free my camera and get the shot. Another surge of bodies came, during which one of our camera men was punched in the chest by a rioter and told that he didn't belong there. I was hit with a glass bottle and other debris. Fearful of being separated from the CBS team, I reached out and grabbed Joe by his press pass lanyard and gripped it for dear life as I pulled away from the mob and tore down the street. We choked air through our sleeves, trying to block the thick gray smoke from our noses. Again the mob dispersed.

Joe, Robert and I reconnecting with Patrick, the second CBS videographer, at his news van nearby. Taking advantage of the lull, the CBS team began cutting their footage for the 10-o-clock news hour. I watched outside the van as small groups of looters ran past, shouting and kicking at the mounds of newspaper stands and garbage cans. The owner of the car that had been engulfed in flames not a full hour before came down from his office one block away and gave a short interview. Ken Epstein, a reporter for the Oakland Post, had been in his 12th floor office working on a story about what a tragedy Grants death was, when he looked down at the street and saw his own car being demolished. Parked behind him was a young woman, who did not wish to on the record, who had been enjoying her birthday dinner with friends at a nearby restaurant. She returned to her car only to find that all the windows had been smashed in and her belongings were scattered all over the sidewalk.

Around half an hour passed before we saw the Mayor headed down 14th street right toward us, surrounded by dozens of rioters and media. Patrick grabbed his video camera and I the microphone, and we worked our way into the center of the crowd until I could get the mic close enough the the Mayor to record as he attempted to answer the questions being shouted. The media wanted to know what was being done by law enforcement, and the public wanted to know what was being done to avenge the death of Grant.

Patrick and I headed back to the news van, and he prepared footage as I slipped into the tail end of a small press conference being held in the lobby of the police station. By 9:30, 15 people had been arrested, 14 adults and one minor. The charges were a combination of assault on an officer, vandalism, and failure to disperse. I raced back to the news van, where Joe and Robert were now setting up with Patrick for the 10-o-clock live shot and gave them the update. During the next hour we stayed near the police station even though there were riots continuing on in front of City Hall. They were smaller and the police seemed to have altered their initial strategy of simply dispersing people and began making dozens of arrests. It seemed to be affective, since by the time Joe did his live shot for the 11-o-clock news the rioters appeared to have finally finished their rampage through downtown.

Once the 11-o-clock was wrapped, Robert headed back to CBS's station in San Francisco with all the footage that had been shot that night. Patrick and Joe dropped me off at my car back at our starting point, the Lake Merritt BART parking lot, where thankfully my car remained unharmed and un-ticketed. I tried to map the freeway on ramp with my IPhone GPS again but was having difficulties when a BART officer pulled up next to me and offered for me to follow him there. We introduced ourselves, his name was Donald. He mentioned I was lucky to have just missed the action. I laughed and told him I'd been in the middle of it from the beginning. He confided that he was torn on the entire ordeal, being a BART cop but also a black man, and feeling that the race card was being overplayed. He believed the shooting was controversial but was disappointed at the public's violent and destructive reaction to it.

And now here I am at a quarter past one, starving and sore and tired, but feeling rejuvenated by having seized the opportunity to contribute to CBS's coverage of the day's events and validated by the journalist's instinct I displayed. There might not be any media jobs out there for me right now, but it's maximizing experiences like this that will keep me on top of my game. Before any worse exhaustion induced delirium sets in, I'll skip proofing this entry and will post it for you to read just as raw as it flowed through my mind and onto my keyboard. But I promise I'll organize my thoughts, review my note pad for better details, edit my photos and audio, and construct something more palatable for you tomorrow.

Sweet dreams.

Wish list for 2009

2009-01-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

I absolutely hate when photographers talk camera lingo because the majority of it is a techy photo nerd way of saying "I'm cooler than you" or somehow compensates for being an otherwise socially retarded individual. However, on this post I can't help but share with you the gizmos and gadgets I've been drooling over and am hoping a cut back in my other spending (a year around project I like to call "wardrobe expansion") will allow me to add these goodies to my camera bag.

Finally the Canon 5D has dropped in price after the release of the 5D Mark II. It is likely to go out of production soon so fingers crossed I can upgrade to the earlier model this spring at a back door price. Thank you tax return! I was able to fiddle around with one of Augie's 5Ds at our photo shoot yesterday and while it is different than my Rebel I think it should be a comfortable switch.

I've been renting this $1500 lens for the last couple years but I'd love to get one of my own so I don't have to deal with reservations, pick-ups, drop-offs, insurance, etc etc. The 5D is more important right now, but hey, a girl can dream can't she?

Think Tank makes this awesome waist strap with changeable lens bags. I first heard about their product line at a photo conference held at San Francisco State years ago. I've always wanted one but as a new product they were fairly pricy. I heard that they've since become more affordable.

Marley and Me

2009-01-02T23:34:00.000-08:00

I'm going to tell you a secret... I hate dogs. I know, I know... Join the masses in glaring with disgust and tisking at me for being so inhumane. Seriously though, I'm someone who enjoys their clean quiet living environment and has no desire for constant companionship. This is right about where some of you are probably going to get all Dr. Phil on me because this same sentiment clearly carries over into my lack of desire for a ball and chain followed by my very own pack of snotty nosed minions. But I promise you'd rather me acknowledge this now prior to adopting an animal.. or a family.. rather than once I'm all in.

This evening Christopher and I saw "Marley and Me." I'm not going to lie, it was decent for a family-oriented, animal-loving, heart-warming movie.. Although I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the theatre full of tearful sniffles throughout the entire second half of the film. The main characters were a couple of hopeful writers, fresh out of college, who got married and moved to Miami to work newspaper jobs. One of the larger themes of the film was the husband's sacrificing of his journalistic passions for the sake of having a family. I'm fairly certain that the directors intended for audiences to applaud this man's accepting of his "reality." I pitied him. Sure he realized that he was an exceptional columnist; sure his dog from hell turned out to be an acquired taste; sure he and his wife were able to adapt as they transitioned into suburban parenthood. But all I kept thinking was "Damn.. Your best friend is freelancing global conflict stories for the New York Times and you're penning comical antidotes about how this week your dog ate your cell phone."

Walking out of the theatre, Christopher looked at me and said, "Someday when you get your first dog you'll understand." That's the same thing my mom tells me about having my first child. Apparently when they're yours they don't smell as bad? Who knows. All I do know is that movie didn't inspire me to put aside my own journalistic passions for the sake of domesticity, and it didn't get me all too psyched about finally adopting a furry little friend either. The only tears that movie drew out of me were alone in the car on my way home wondering if I was going to spend so much time trying to fulfill my passions that eventually I'd look back through my failure and wish I'd settled. Wishing you'd settled must be worst than settling in the first place. Then again knowing you're settling and wondering "what if" may be even more shameful yet. At the risk of sounding cliche, I suppose the best thing anyone in such a predicament can do is follow their gut and trust that persistence pays off.

All I know is...

2008-12-16T14:06:00.000-08:00

People are always telling me that my job will teach me a lot about corporate America and that I'll gain valuable knowledge that translates into other professional roles I have in the future. After a year and a half of getting my toes wet with this corporate gig, here are two things I have learned that I will definitely keep in mind down the road.

ONE - I strongly suggest against every looking at your pay stub to compare your year-t0-date gross earnings and your net pay. It is really.. REALLY.. depressing. The salary they tell you you're getting is not anywhere near what actually goes into your bank account. Hooters waitresses make more money than you do, and it's better to just accept now that this country places a higher value on big boobs than your bachelor's degree.

TWO - Never take nice corporate gestures as genuine displays of appreciation for your enslavement. When your office cafeteria throws a free meal to celebrate you, check the expiration dates on the steak sauce and juice boxes. Do not under any circumstances eat the turkey sausage. And when they tell you that because of all your hard work they want to make sure you get to spend maximum time with your loved ones during the holidays so they are allowing you to use some of next year's vacation time early.. Don't be flattered. You're getting laid off next spring and they don't want to pay out as many hours.